If they knew joel faviere.
I say I'm getting better
But I'm not.
If anything I'm worse
And I don't know how to stop it.
There are days when I can't do anything
I just want to sit in bed and sleep.
I have no motivation to do anything.
No desire to feel.
And there are days I feel okay
Where I can smile and it be real.
Days I want to do something
When I have energy and depression isn't killing me.
There are times that I feel so hopeless
Where I just want it all to end.
I can't help the rush of thoughts that follow.
I just want to feel okay again.
There's days where the panic never stops.
Days when the nightmare doesn't end when I wake up.
Times like that make me want to give up.
They make me want to disappear.
It's not easy to say.
But I'm not okay.
It's been this way for a long time.
I just got better at hiding it.
I want to say I'm better
But actually mean it.
I don't even want to talk anymore
This sadness is aching.
And I don't know where to turn to
Music isn't getting.
Writing is a weak relief.
But the blade is no better
I have to go deeper to feel it.
I've resorted to smoking again
And I've held a flame to my hand today.
I don't know what to do.
It's getting bad again.
