Impulsive -(adj.)- acting or done without forethought
That would probably be one of the best words to sum me up with. I am very impulsive. Ask my ex-girlfriend. She knows all about it, being my best friend/ex and all. You could also ask my boyfriend as well. Oh, god.
Being impulsive has almost cost me nearly everything. It almost cost me my life, my boyfriend, my grades, my future. It has cost me my emotional/mental stability, friends' trust, my relationship with my parents, my physical well-being, and god-knows what else.
Things That Happened Due to Me Being Impulsive
1. My first boyfriend (@ethan)
2. My first kiss (what was his name even?)
3. Memorial inpatient visit (one wild week guys)
4. Most of my relationships
5. All of my scars (even the ones I didn't try to put there)
6. JROTC
7. Martial arts
8. My knee problems
.....and et cetera.
I am also probably the worst person to be in a relationship with due to my tendency to be impulsive. I never fucking think. Never. Oh, by the gods how I hate it.
There are things that piss him off. Things that he hates. Things that annoy him. Sometimes it's hard to not push him over because so many things piss him off.
Things That My Boyfriend Hates
1. Stupid people (oops, gotta blast)
2. Not being taken seriously when needed (ok but who doesn't hate this??)
3. Other people hugging/touching me (my best friends and I hug ALL the time ?)
4. Heat
5. Or anything above cold (I hate the cold)
6. Ice
7. Mint and cinnamon (I love cinnamon gum o snap)
8. Repetition in music
9. Nicki Minaj
10. Ariana Grande
11. When I won't talk to him when I'm pissed at him
12. Fighting
13. Arguing
14. If any other guy looks at me or touches me
15. Ash
16. Me talking (or even just mentioning a lil bit) about my dating history
17. Me talking about something I did in kickboxing because 11/10 times I get hurt
18. Me being impulsive
......and et cetera
I know what he hates. I know what pisses him off. I know I know I know.
But why the fuck do I keep doing things he hates? Why why why?
I always do something (without thinking) that hurts him, annoys him, angers him. Don't worry. He doesn't hurt me. He would never. He feels so bad and so sorry if he goes even a little too hard whenever we arm wrestle.
Why can't I get it though my thick skull and into my subconscious that if I keep acting like this I'm probably going to lose him. He's going to lose his trust in me. He's going to see all my flaws, but instead of loving them, he's going to hate them. I don't want to ruin him like I've done to others in the past. I mean, they got over it, but I don't want to take the chance.
Regret -(noun)- a feeling of sadness, repentance, or disappointment over something that has happened or been done.
YOU ARE READING
Love Me So I Don't Have To - COMPLETED
Non-FictionThis is a personal diary of an anonymous girl online. The start is rough and cringy, but it's a journal. This is the first part of my life for every stranger online to read. Go ahead. Open this story and start reading about my life and all my feelin...
