Love Me So I Don't Have To - COMPLETED

2.4

She wishes she said "I sure as hell hope so." When He told her she will look for Him in other guys, she told Him she won't and regrets saying that to this day.

No one has ever said I'll look for them in future significant others. Maybe it was simply understood that they had such an impact on me that I would. Hell, I'll even look for them in normal, everyday objects.

I know I look for some aura of mysteriousness in every person I'm interested in that drew me to Him since the start. I know I do. I search for something more, something different underneath what they show on the outside.

I search for emotionally manipulative people like the Second one was after Him. This one impacted me nearly just as much as He did. I found the Second while looking for someone to fuck over like He did to me.

This one kept me as a figurative emotional slave to him for 11 months too many.  Throughout those 11 months I secretly looked for Him in this asshole. They're both assholes, so maybe I did find some of Him.

After the hellish months, I looked for people to have something with. Nothing serious. Just hookups, really. I looked for what He wanted from me. I looked for things of Him so often that I almost became Him.

If the me today went through what I had gone through instead of having to then, things would be different. I wouldn't care if He didn't want anything real or remotely serious. That is, if I hadn't met the love of my life like I already have.

The me today wouldn't care, but the me today wouldn't exist without what He did. And still, I look for Him everywhere. Not just in the one I love.

I look for Him in people I pass by in the halls. I look for Him in their faces. I look for Him in their gait. I look for Him in everyone's handwriting. I look for Him in my books I read. I look for Him in other people's voices.

I look for the same jokes. I look for the way He would look at me from others. I look for how He would touch me in others, as well. I look for His interests. I look for how He hugs. I look for His advice or criticisms.

If I find Him, I try to get away, but I can't.

I used to look for Him in the halls. Now, I don't need to. He is always there. Even if He isn't in the same building, He is there.

I find the Second nearly everywhere. Literally and figuratively. The Second is found in my every afternoon. I find the Second in my cat. I find the Second in my makeup. I find the Second in Aaron -not because Aaron is like the Second but because of what the Second has ever said about him.

The Second is in my ice, cinnamon gum, coffee, chicken tacos, and much more. The Second can be found in my old sketchbook even after I ripped out the pages. The Second is in my hung up dresses and gym bag. The Second is in Ash and Cal. I find the Second in some of the movies. I find the Second in some of my first conversions with strangers. I find the Second in people's answers to 21 Questions. I find the Second in my love.

Yet, I don't even need to look for the Second as I live my days. The Second makes himself known to me as if God himself is trying to mock me. Although, I do look for the Second in everyone I meet. I look for the Second in everyone I talk to on the daily. I try my best to get away if I find the Second.

I look for the Second in everyone's mannerisms, speech, facial expressions. I must admit the Second is special. The Second isn't like many other people, but this is not particularly meant in a good way.

I look for the Second in everyone's actions and their words. I become fearful, practically, of their action to word ratio in means of whether they match up or not. I become fearful of the feelings their words/actions inflict upon me if they resemble anything of what has happened with him. I am terrified of letting myself allow any Second-esque people into my life.

I should be afraid of letting anyone like Him into my life, but I am not. People like the Second can be easily found and dealt with. People like Him, though, are harder. It's harder to pick out those like Him in a crowd. It's harder to get people like Him out of your life.

People like Him get you attached quick. People like Him manipulate you, and you will realize it too late once He has gone too far. People like Him will have you wrapped around their finger in seconds for years.

People like Him will stay in the back of your mind constantly. People like Him will make you cry from memories alone years after. People like Him are like the Devil himself. The Second is just a measly demon to be simply casted away with an exorcism.

I sure as hell hope the Devil won't come in my path ever again. Only one of us can survive, and it won't be Him.

"Degausser" by Brand New

@BreeGabrielle1999