Love Me So I Don't Have To - COMPLETED

0.6

Toxic relationships are the worst. I would know. I've been in one. I just wasn't in the role you would think I would be.

I made the relationship toxic. It was me. I am no victim.

I'll tell you the story of a relationship gone bad from a new point of view because I'm sure not many of those reading have heard stories from my kind of POV.

I was younger and more mentally unstable. So was She. She and I were best friends, and we still are. She had been in the hospital for the last week of school. Or maybe She was admitted the second to last but got out the next. I'm not entirely sure.

Anyways, it seemed all of our friends knew where She was before Her actual best friend did. I remember asking our group during lunch if anyone knows what's wrong with Her and they gave me ludicrous looks. They told me She had been in the hospital.

As soon as possible, I had talked to the school's counselor whom of which the both of us had spoken to on multiple occasions about some personal things. I had not done it willingly whereas I'm pretty sure She did. This bitchass counselor wouldn't tell me anything; I felt hopeless. I didn't even know when She was admitted.

I remember texting Her. I thought She was supposed to get out that day. I knew the maximum days you could have at one specific hospital since I had been there. I figured She was there because it would be most reasonable. I said something along the lines of "I thought you'd be getting out today. I was hoping to see you. I love you and hope summer doesn't make this worse for you like it did me."

A few days later, She texted me back. She told me Her mother was keeping Her phone for a bit. This and that. Then, She asked me to go out with her. For some damn reason I said yes. Sometimes I wish I never did. It was so bad. Other times I don't wish I said no because if I did then She and I wouldn't be where we are now.

Three months. Three months exactly. August 26, 2015 is when I broke up with Her. Wait, no. Let's not talk about that just yet.

During the short -yet simultaneously long- months, I grew some kind of feelings for someone else. Actually, I think it happened even before Her. At the same time, I began to grow detatched from Her. I know that started happening when we began dating.

She was my best friend, my rock. Then, She became my girlfriend and nothing else.

In fact, She didn't even feel like a girlfriend to me. Dare I say, She was just some girl. She was just some girl I held hands with. A girl I would kiss sometimes. More like a lot of the times. It seemed as if She was addicted to me or my kisses or my body.

She was just a girl I'd say "I love you" to without any meaning behind it. She was some girl I'd hug and hold hands with. Some girl I'd have to keep from killing herself. Some girl I had to break for Her to snap into reality before getting myself there. She was just some girl.

She honestly didn't mean much to me while we were together. I made myself believe later on that I felt guilty and bad for what I did to Her. She doesn't know -I kinda hope She never does- I have no remorse about it. Not a single part.

I'm just like the boy I gave more  attention to than Her. He distracted me from Her. He meant more to me than She did. I am pathetic. I feel as if I cheated. He and I never did anything together while She and I were in a relationship. He and I did things afterwards. We weren't "talking", he and I. I saw it as only a platonic friendship although he may not have.

He cheats on girls and doesn't feel bad for it. He only feels bad for letting people find out and giving him shit for it.

She made me break up with Her over the phone. I slightly didn't want to because I almost felt lonely. I had the boy's words but I had Her physical comfort. Not sex but just Her. I really wanted to break up with Her because that phone call made me realize I didn't love Her. Not one bit. Not at all.

With a slight but of remorse -not for Her feelings, but for my loneliness and image- I said "okay, fine. If you really want me to. That's it. We're over. I'm breaking up with you."

Now She's just a girl I had history with. She's the girl I sit around in geometry and lunch. She's just a girl my parents hate without even knowing even half of what She and I have done together. She's the girl my boyfriend hates. She's a teammate. A friend. An ex. Nothing more.

And, yet, She almost means nothing to me. At least that's more than before.