My throat closes up slightly. Just enough for me to feel it. Just enough to bring about the barely tight chest. The urge to cry itches at the back of my eyes. It almost feels like my guts are rearranging, twisting and turning.
I take a few deep breathes. My own spoken words echo back at me.
"Breathe in and out. Slowly. Come on. Deep in through your nose and slowly out your mouth. It's okay. You got this. Find your control."
I try to gulp down the smooth rock in my throat. I try to ignore the nails scratching at my skin. I try to forget about the hands grabbing at my throat and wrists.
I squeeze my eyes shut in hopes the tears stop welling up. A tear or two escape, and I resort to drying my cheeks and forcing my eyes open as if the air will dry the tears before they even come up to the surface.
My hand makes a vice-like grip around circular pendant around my neck as if the intentions on my palm will give me protection from what I fear the most. My knuckles push into my sternum on hopes of making it through to the pressure in my chest. In hopes of pulling it out and throwing it far, far away.
Deep breath in.
Hold it.
Gulp.
Deep breath out.
Quick but deep sigh.
The squeezing around my heart and throat get tighter. My eyes shut as the shadowy, wispy silhouettes come into view. I breathe in and out through the handcrafted metal brought on my lips.
I take a deep gulp as a few last tears roll down my cheeks.
Breathe in.
Hold it.
Let out a shaky sigh.
My eyes pry open against my will, seemingly. I let go of my pendant like it's burning me and lace my fingers together into a tight, sweaty, shaky grip. My head bows down. My body shakes, and I can't breathe anymore.
I scratch at my throat. The rock gets bigger and bigger. It feels as if there's a balloon filling up in my chest. A balloon filled with not air but with a void.
I crave something sharp. Something to cut open my throat. Something to open up my chest. Something to pop the balloon. I need to feel it. I need to see the blood. My blood.
At this point, it's the only thing that can save me.
YOU ARE READING
Love Me So I Don't Have To - COMPLETED
No FicciónThis is a personal diary of an anonymous girl online. The start is rough and cringy, but it's a journal. This is the first part of my life for every stranger online to read. Go ahead. Open this story and start reading about my life and all my feelin...
