Love Me So I Don't Have To - COMPLETED

1.0

I was never big on faith. Wait, scratch that. I was Christian for like three months in middle school. Not really. It came and went throughout sixth and seventh grade.

I remember the kid I would end up hating in a few years asking me if I was religious during our sixth grade year.

"Really? You?" He pointed his plastic fork at me. I rolled my eyes dramatically before the heat rose to my face. I blush too easily.

"Yeah, me. What is that supposed to mean anyways?" I raised one eyebrow with a small, sarcastic smirk.

"Well, you don't seem like the type." I decided to not add onto that specific topic, so I dropped my curiosity. We sat with silence between us in a loud cafeteria. He went back to eating his shitty lunch, and I went back to my head in my notebook.

What felt like hours later, he asks, "What kind?" I had no clue what he was talking about out of the blue. He stared at me and I blushed.

"What the fuck are you talking about?"

"What kind are you? Like, what kind of Christian are you?" I blushed again because I don't go to church. I just went to the First Priority get-together preachings in the gym in the mornings.

"Catholic." I panicked and basically picked one. I knew nothing about their practices. It almost seemed like he saw through me and what I was telling him. Although, if he did, he showed no real signs.

"Oh, ha, your people hate gays." Of course he'd have a mildly (at the least) insulting joke towards a religion.

I rolled my eyes with a small smile and went back into my notebook.

Growing up, I kind of didn't realize how big of an affect religion has on the world. My mother told me I was Muslim. I said I was Muslim. No one in our house prays. I was told I believe, so I told others I believed.

I didn't know what it meant. I was only a small child who shouldn't even have to worry about any gods or deities.

I soon came to the conclusion that a lot more kids on the playground are Christian of some kind and did not know of or understand Islam.

I didn't either. I was just told I was a part of it and believed it.

It didn't take long after that realization for me to become Atheist. Yet, I was still on the playground. When kids asked me why, I'd tell them I didn't feel comfortable with saying I believe in someone or something that I knew nothing about. Plus, I knew I was a child and felt that I had other things to worry about. More trivial things.

No one judged me.

No one secluded me.

No one tried to insult me or hurt me.

No one ridiculed me.

No one got into any religious debates with me.

No one damned me to hell.

They all treated me the same as they did ten minutes before.

So why is it now that I'm in high school, kids, adults have tried to tell me I'm wrong for not going blindly into God's arms because I am ignorant?

I understand the ones who try to teach me and convert me. They are trying to show me his love. They are trying to help me not be ignorant.

What I don't understand is how and why there are people putting me down for my beliefs when I would never do that to their own. What the hell did I do to them to deserve their hate?

Another thing I do not understand. Some people in my life seem to forget that I'm Atheist for a reason. It's not because I think God is dead (Oh, wow. Nice pun, me). It's because I believe there has yet to be enough evidence to prove His exsistence to me. I do not know enough on their practices. I do not know the whole history.

I am Atheist because I do not know enough. Let, me repeat that.

I. AM. ATHEIST. BECAUSE. I. DO. NOT. KNOW. ENOUGH.

I AM NOT ATHEIST BECAUSE I'M FULL OF HATRED FOR THOSE WHO PUT THEIR FAITH, TRUST, AND LOVE INTO A MAN WE CANNOT PHYSICALLY SEE.

I AM NOT ATHEIST BECAUSE I THINK THESE PEOPLE ARE STUPID FOR TRUSTING A CENTURIES OLD BOOK.

I AM NOT ATHEIST BECAUSE I AM LIKE MY MOTHER.

I AM NOT ATHEIST BECAUSE I AM CLOSED-MINDED.

I AM ATHEIST BECAUSE I WANT TO BE CONVINCED BEFORE HAVING THE CHOICE TO BELIEVE.

I go to Christian functions (in spite of feeling uncomfortable and out of place) because I want to learn.

Don't tell me I can't go because I don't believe. All you're saying is I don't have a choice to learn. You're telling me I am not allowed to believe. Freedom of religion, bitch.