"Well, ***, you really should forgive her. Holding a grudge does nothing good. It only hurts you. It's like putting poison in a cup for your enemy, drinking out of it, and expecting them to die," she chuckles.
"I have a lack of self-preservation."
---
Well, Elizabeth*, I can't and probably won't forgive her.
In order for me to forgive her, I have to trust that she won't make the same mistake again, or one just as bad. There are two things to that: she lost my trust, and what she did equates to a cardinal sin. So, there is no forgiving her in the forseeable.
I know you're fucking reading this. I know I've ignored your calls, texts, and presence since. I don't want to talk to you. I honestly don't even want to look at you. How could you do that?
For the love of God, you even lied to my face about it. You lied to them, too. Unfortunately for you, I believe it's okay to hold grudges, but you already know that.
You know damn well how I am, so don't bother being surprised at my actions. I openly -as possible for me- told you about those things. Everything. I let you get in my head. I fucking let you.
I let you in even though this goddamn book is supposed to be where I let it all out the best I fucking could and be okay with it because only strangers are supposed to see this. I trusted your ass, and you took my trust for granted.
I'm not holding my fucking tongue on you. I'm not going to bother being civil. I have the right to be acting like this. You pissed me off immensely. Don't you dare try to speak to me. I don't even want you in my vicinity. I'm done with you. Indefinitely.
No amount of "I'm sorry"s is going to fix this. I don't care if I'm being irrational. You know how important this is. If I can't trust you to keep my biggest secret, I can't trust you at all. This secret isn't just something that can be construed as gossip if the wrong person overheard.
Sorry, Elizabeth, but I'm not going to be the "bigger person" here. That's not how I work. I'm not the morally upright Christian you and everyone else wants me to be. I'm going to drink the poison. Maybe I'll put some in her cup, too.
YOU ARE READING
Love Me So I Don't Have To - COMPLETED
Non-FictionThis is a personal diary of an anonymous girl online. The start is rough and cringy, but it's a journal. This is the first part of my life for every stranger online to read. Go ahead. Open this story and start reading about my life and all my feelin...
