Love Me So I Don't Have To - COMPLETED

3.2

26 June 2018

You know, today means this is my longest relationship. Technically, the other one ended way before 11 months and 5 days. Or, well, it felt like it ended way before I called it off.

I'm scared of losing him. I'm scared of him not loving me anymore. I'm scared of him getting tired of me. I'm scared of something fucking us up and ruining what we got.

But then I remember that no matter what bullshit it is, he and I will get through it. That's because we actually fucking love each other. We want each other to grow and to grow together. We want a life together. How can you have a life with someone if you don't try to make it past all the bullshit? You won't.

I know he's the one for me. I'm the one for him. Simple as that. I just wish life was that simple. Things get hard. Things get complicated. Things get frustrating. Sometimes, I feel hopeless and don't know what to do, yet we made it past that shit. All of it.

But what if one day we can't?

What if one day it's something we can't get past and stay together afterwards?

What if?

Well, I don't know. I haven't gotten there. I hope we never do.

Since first meeting him, I knew he was different. Since we first started dating, I knew this relationship was different. I knew that without a doubt, I loved him. I still do, of course. I knew that he was certainly different from the Second.

By the time 10 months came around for us, things really came imto perspective for me. I compared 10 months in my current relationship to my last one. In the last one, I was fighting and begging to get out, to escape. Now, I'm already planning our second wedding. The one everyone will see.

At 11 months, the ex and I barely spoke. I tried to avoid his texts and calls. I wanted nothing to do with him. I forced myself to sleep at 7 P.M. to avoid my ex. Now, at our 11 months, I'm keeping myself up in order to talk to him as much as possible. I miss him the second I leave even after spending the whole day with him.

It's safe to say I've found the guy I'll be marrying. It's safe to say this will certainly remain my longest relationship until I die.

I'm not letting him go. We joke and say how if we broke up we would stalk each other. We wouldn't let the other break us up. But, honestly, if we broke up, I don't think I could ever be the same person ever again. I don't think I would ever be able to find a love or a happiness as strong and the love or happiness this relationship gives me on a daily basis.

Call me sappy. I don't care. I wouldn't be able to be okay for a while if I lost him. But, you know what? I'm okay with that. Just knowing I've had the opportunity to experience the greatest love I will ever have is all I need.

The good thing is, I'm never going to lose him.