Blaming Cupid

Blaming Cupid - Chapter Twenty-Four

blaming cupid
･◦⋆‹ t w e n t y – f o u r ›⋆◦･

24. Harriet

Yesterday made me realise that maybe Josiah and I aren't meant for each other.

Whenever something finally starts to go right, something comes in the way and ruins it. I'm sick of it. It makes me think, will he and I ever be more than what we are now? It isn't fair that what I feel for him, emotions I've never felt until he came into my life, can't be expressed properly. Is it even worth trying to make things work out between us?

I want him. I need him. But it makes me think, can I really have him? Is it supposed to be?

When I step off the bus the next morning, Josiah is waiting for me at the stop. Silence is what I greet him with. I walk down to the entrance doors wordlessly and refrain myself from making any eye contact with him.

He follows me all the way to my locker.

"Hattie," He begins. His voice sounds rather hoarse when he says my name. "I've got to talk to you."

I swallow the lump in my throat and remain quiet. I unload a couple of textbooks from my locker. Then I slam it shut and walk away in the opposite direction but he grabs my wrist and spins me back around before I have the chance to.

"Don't do this," he whispers. His hands come to brush past mine.

I finally speak. "What shall I do then, huh? Just be happy and act like everything's normal? Nothing is normal, Josiah, and no matter how hard we try to make it be, it won't be."

"What are you talking about?" He asks. Plead lingers in his tone. "We were fine, Harriet, amazing actually, how did it all go wrong?"

"When you kissed that bitch at the party." I snap.

His jaw clenches abruptly at the same time his face hardens. "The fact that you think I was the cause of it is one thing, but now you're making it seem as if I did it deliberately, do you know how bad that hurts?"

"It's happened to me before, Josiah, what am I supposed to believe?" I inquire. The waterworks are already taking place.

"Is this some sort of joke? Are you honestly going to compare me to him?" His words are venomous.

He starts to laugh, humourlessly. "Oh, wow. You think I'm exactly like him, don't you? You think I'll fuck you over like that? The way he did? Harriet, I couldn't do that, I wouldn't commit a sin like that."

"When I look at you, all I see is her, Josiah! I see her. I hate seeing her." My mouth can't contain the words I attempt to hold back. "I'm trying so hard to make things happen for us, Josiah, but I can't. It always downfalls. I can't do this anymore,"

"So what? Is this how it's gonna end?"

I don't reply to him.

Josiah rushes forward and cups my face in his hands. I turn my head to avoid looking into his eyes.

"You're all I think about, Harriet, every day, all night. I just want to make you happy, safe. Let me keep you safe."

Red, tear-rimmed eyes stare back at me, with watery streaks falling down his blotchy face. I wipe away the tears from his cheeks.

"Don't you feel the same way?"

"It's not that—I just need some time to think through stuff. I can't think properly when I'm around you. Everything just becomes messy in my head. I just need some time Josiah—"