Acting the fool (a Tom Hiddleston story)

Finding Tom

*Josie*
I see no reason in denying it, this is my time to come clean, to get it of my chest, so I take a deep breath. "I can't lie anymore Alex. I am so sorry, it was me okay ? He fucked me".

"Jo... How could you ? Was this the first time ?" He just looks at me, so very disappointed.

I shake my head slowly. "I tried to resist. I really did, but he kept pushing me and I gave in. It happened a couple of times during filming. I kept telling myself to stop. I kept telling him to stop, but I couldn't".

"I don't know what to say Josie. I thought you loved me. I thought we would be forever". He looks at me and shakes his head.

I feel so dirty, so bad and depraved. "So did I, or I still do. I do love you Alex, I really do, but I know what I did wasn't okay, and that it unforgivable".

"And what about him Josie ? Do you love him too ?" His eyes are searching mine for the truth.

And the honest truth is what I give him. "I don't know Alex. I really don't know what I feel about him".

"I should tell you to leave Josie. I should tell you that I never want to see you again, but I can't. I love you Josie". He sits down and grabs my hand.

I simply don't know what to say or how to feel, I know I don't deserve this. "You are way to good for me Alex".

"I have one condition thought, if I am going to forgive you". He looks into my eyes and I simply nood. He breathes in. "Go find out for sure what you feel about Tom. I don't want him being a shadow over our life, go find out who it is your heart chooses".

"I can't, Tom is already at the airport going back to London". I shake my head, he is gone and he must be done with me now.

Alex breathes out. "Then go after him, go to London, you need to find out for sure Jo, to have no regrets if we get married".

"You are the most awesome man in the universe Alex, do you know that ? Thank you". I get up and kisses his forehead.

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Less than 24 hours later I sit in a plane on my way to London, to see Tom, to talk to Tom, to find out what to do with my life.

I spend my time in the plane thinking. I don't deserve a man like Alex, he shouldn't be that forgiving, but I shouldn't stay with him just because of that. It wouldn't be fair to anyone.

But is Tom just a fling ? Just a sexual attraction I can't resist ? Or is there something more in it ? Did he speak the truth when he said that he loves me ?

After thinking for hours I fall asleep, and dreams of Alex and Tom, my mind not letting go of the thoughts.

*Tom*
I am back in London, getting ready for some charity ball. I am not in the mood for it at all, but Luke told me that I have no choice.

But my mind keeps wandering to Josie, what is she doing right now ? Planning her wedding ? To soothe my foul mood, I down a couple of Scotch while getting ready.

To be honest I am already just a bit drunk, when I arrive at the ball. I soon spot Ben and Sophie and goes over to say hello.

"Tom you are drunk". Sophie states as soon as she spots me and Ben sends me a disapproving look, shaking his head.

I smile and shrug. "Well might be a bit tipsy, but I needed to stop thinking about Josie and get ready for this boring thing, so might have gotten a couple of drinks".

"Tom I don't think this is smart, maybe you should just go home, tell Luke you are not feeling good". Ben looks at me with concern.

At that moment a high pitched voice sounds behind me. "Oh hi Tom, such a long time since I saw you last. Come dance with me sweetie, I am so bored".

"Hello darling, yes it has most definitely been a long time and yes let's dance". I offers my arm to Isabella, a young woman from a very rich family, who always flirts and tries to get my attention at those things.

I look at Ben. "Bollocks Ben, I am not going home. I am going to have some fun, I think I deserve that".

*Josie*
I am getting out of the car. I am at some charity event in London, my Pr people told me Tom would attend and got me in.

When I come inside I spot Ben and Sophie, and I walk over to say hi, they might know where Tom is.

"Oh God Josie ? What are you doing here in London". Sophie looks at me with big eyes, looking more than surprised.

I smile. "Hi Sophie, hi Ben, well it is a long story, but the short version is, Alex know about Tom and me, and he send me to figure out what I want, so I need to see Tom".

"Oh, maybe tonight is not the best night. Tom is a bit drunk and not in the best mood". Sophie says.

Well I have come a long way, I think I can handle drunk Tom. "I just want to see him, to say that I am sorry".

And then I walk of looking for him, soon spotting him, he is standing at the bar, a drink in his hand.

"Hi Tom, fancy meeting you here". I say smiling and Tom turns around, when he sees me his eyes goes wide.

He puts down his drink, looking like he is lost for words for once, and maybe a little angry. "Josie ? What are you doing here ?"

But before I can answer, a beautiful woman drapes herself around Tom, sending me a condescending glance. "Who is this Tommy ?"

"Oh just someone I used to work with". He says and the woman kisses him. When he kisses her back, I feel my heart break into a million pieces. Faith will that this is the moment I realise that I do love him.

I turn around and run, hearing Tom call out my name, put I don't stop, I should have never come.