Visions

Nine: Conflicting Emotions

Sabine sunk down against the wall, burying her face in her hands. She didn't cry, didn't move, just sat there, pain sinking in.

'Ignorance is bliss', they say, and Sabine realized they were right. She didn't have this pain before, when she didn't realize she loved him. But then again, she didn't want to be in the dark about her own feelings.

Sabine shook her head, confused by all the thoughts rushing through her brain. Ezra had flirted with her before, and it was clear he'd had a crush on her, but that was a long time ago. Did he still have feelings for her?

She sighed, looking back up at the painting. Ezra stood there, painted cadet helmet under his arm, cocky smile on his face.

These feelings and thoughts didn't seem like her own, but then again, Sabine's thoughts never sounded like the person everyone else saw. Because maybe her thoughts were the real Sabine, and her sarcastic demeanour wasn't always her.

Sure, Sabine tried to stay true to herself, but after the academy...

Suddenly, Sabine realized she was sitting in the floor, her back against the wall, face in her hands, and sprang to her feet. This was not the real her either. This was her fear.

A determined frown creased her forehead. No matter how she felt, what happened, she would not be weak.

~//~

Zeb didn't think he was an observant person. In fact, most things seemed to go over his head. But he didn't think he was stupid, either.

In the four days since Sato had said that the Twi'lek had to stay with them for a time, due to Imperial control tightening around the Outer Rim systems, Zeb had noticed that Sabine wasn't doing well. Her colour had faded, she rarely smiled and laughed, and she seemed to be losing weight. Either she was sick, or something was seriously wrong.

He'd bet it was the second. Maybe it had to do with the Talkana girl. Ezra and her were pretty cozy lately, and maybe Sabine was missing her closest friend.

Zeb opened his eyes. He was in his bunk, which was where he went to think. Nobody bothered him here, not since they had gotten back from that disastrous mission to Reclem Station. It seemed Ezra was finally beginning to mature.

He sat up and scratched that perpetually itchy spot on the back of his neck before lumbering out the door.

He'd had a bit of a think, not to mention a short nap, and he felt refreshed enough to beat Chopper in a game of Dejarik.

"Hey Chop! You wanna play? If you win two outta three, you get one those power cells I been keeping. You in?"

The droid whirred a reply with what sounded suspiciously like a robotic chuckle, and they sat down in the common room.

~//~

Meditation

Kanan said this is a good way to calm myself, so here goes nothing.

Arene isn't doing well. Yesterday she wasn't even going to come out of Sabine's room until I talked to her.

She's hurting a lot. It's nice, though, that I'm really the only one she trusts. She doesn't really talk to the others, but me? She spills her heart out to me.

She's really sweet, and I think her and I could become good friends. When she heard that Sato needed her to stay with us, she gave me a big hug. It's almost weird. No other girl has given me this sort of attention before. But I think I kinda like it.

Something's wrong with Sabine. She's losing weight, and her smile rarely shows itself. I think she's sick. Every time I think of her, my heart squeezes.

I have a feeling that under that tough, sarcastic exterior, she's hurting pretty bad.

To say I was surprised on Concord Dawn is an understatement. Ever since she told me that 'the Empire' happened to her parents, well, I guess I just assumed she meant they were dead. But to know that her mom is with the Empire now, that's gotta be the hardest thing for her. I'm just gonna hope it's like Sabine said. Her mom was probably given no choice.

Kanan seems to be quieter lately, and I've noticed he's distanced himself from Hera. I think she's noticed, too. I see her try to take his hand or something, and he pulls back, and it hurts her.

I kinda feel conflicted, and I feel a bit of a disturbance. It's just coming to me now. Sabine...her feelings about...about something important...they go further than she or I could ever imagine.

I need to go talk to her. I know she won't confess it, but me just joking around and teasing her helps her more than anything.

Sabine, you know you can tell me anything.

"Once a secret is known, it cannot be unknown."
~The Bendu