Visions

Seventeen: I Love You

Kanan knelt outside the Ghost in the gathering twilight in a remote part of Atollon, mediating. Now that he was blind, strange as it seemed, it had become easier to focus when meditating, as he wasn't distracted so easily, but he still liked to be outside. The feeling of the ground beneath him, the sounds of the night animals, all gave him a sense of peace he didn't have feeling the cold metal of his cabin's floor under him.
He wasn't far from the ship, but he still enjoyed the feeling of seclusion from the noise and silliness of the crew.
Well, mainly Ezra.
The ramp of the Ghost lowered, and Sabine walked out, shutting the door behind her. She didn't seem to notice him, walking into the large vegetation the planet afforded. Kanan frowned. Where was she going at this time of evening? There was nothing for miles around. Then she stopped, seeming to be waiting for something.
Or someone, Kanan realized, as not ten minutes later Ezra exited the Ghost, and hurried to where Sabine was waiting. Kanan stood, and walked closer to them, but they still didn't notice him.
"What's the matter?" he heard Ezra ask Sabine, and she laughed slightly. "Nothing's wrong, Ezra. I just wanted to...talk to you."
Kanan frowned again. This didn't seem right. He heard his padawan sigh. "Sabine, you know how I feel about you, but..."
Kanan could sense Sabine's hurt. "You've never followed the rules before."
"This is different. The Order wouldn't have made the rules if they didn't have a reason. You remember what Kanan told me, right?"
Sabine sighed. "Fear of loss is a root that leads to the tree of evil."
"And I'm already afraid of losing you. I can't do this."
"Ezra, I...I love you."
Kanan heard Ezra's sharp intake of breath. "I know."
Kanan sensed Sabine put her hand on Ezra's shoulder. "I know you feel bound by those rules, but the Jedi Order has fallen. Maybe...things are different now."
"It's not just that, Sabine. Kanan..."
Kanan straightened automatically. "I don't want to disappoint him. I've already done that enough."
"Ezra, this doesn't have anything to do with Kanan. This is...this is up to you."
And Kanan realized his padawan carried a burden unlike any other. The burden of love.
"I know."
~//~
Sabine looked up into Ezra's deep blue eyes, and pulled him close, laying her head on his chest. She could feel the steady rise and fall of his chest, the thump of his heartbeat. He wrapped his arms around her, placing his chin on her head. "I don't want this pretending anymore, Ezra. I can't stand it."
Ezra nodded. "But we can't do anything about that. I can't...I can't do that to Kanan. After everything that's happened...the Holocrons, Maul...I can't. I'm sorry Sabine."
Sabine felt a tear slip down her cheek, and stepped back, releasing him. He didn't look at her as she wiped her tears away. She didn't want to have to be so near him, but at the same time so far. The forced joviality, the pretend camaraderie they'd had before. It was going to kill her. "I can't. I'm sorry, Ezra, I can't."
He looked at her, uncomprehending, and she moved forward, pulling him back and kissing him.
She put all her desperation, all her love, all her frustration into that kiss, and when he kissed back, she melted into him.
Whenever he kissed her, she felt like the only girl in the galaxy, and she knew that he loved her, no matter if he ever said it or not.
She pulled back, and looked into his eyes again, trying to make her own convey what she was feeling. "Ezra," she murmured, and he sighed. "Do you understand now?"
He looked down for a moment, and Sabine felt he heart sink. Then he looked back, and the determined glint on his face was so striking it startled her. He took her hand, and smiled slightly. "It won't be easy keeping this a secret. Especially from Kanan." Sabine chuckled slightly. "But I can't keep doing this either. Sabine, I..."
Sabine caught her breath.
"I have feelings for you that I've never felt for anyone in my life. I...love you."
She smiled at him, and tilted her face up to meet his own in another kiss, but one that sealed both their fates, together.

A great leap forward often requires first taking two steps back.
~Obi-Wan Kenobi