The Girl Behind The Garden

Chapter 18: Shock

           

Sam's p.o.v

After everyone left, it took a minute for me to get through Eden's emotional shell. I rubbed soothing circles into her back as she slowly untensed. Her shivering stopped, snuggling further into the warm covers while taking in deep breaths through her nose. She sat up, leaning against the head board, her eyes still wide. I reached to the side table, where Cass had put the coffee earlier.

I handed it to her and she shivered at the sudden heat in her hands. She took a sip, hungrily drinking more and more. Soon, she was done with it, looking up at me as she shakily handed me the empty cup. I took it gently, slowly putting it down. I tried not to make sudden movement, not trying to scare her.

She sighed, going tense once again, stiffening. I got worried and almost shook her before she started sobbing into my chest. I sighed, sad that she was in despair, but relieved she wasn't going to block me out. I decided that when she got stiff like that suddenly, it meant she was about to let her feelings go.

Once again, I stiffened when I felt hot tears on my clothed chest, loosening only to run my hands through her now clean hair, that Gust had dried with a towel. The awful noise she let loose made me grimace, knowing how she felt, it's how I felt when I first killed.

"I..." She trailed off, saying the first thing sense she had gotten stiff, "I almost lost control."

"But you didn't," I reasoned.

"I killed them," She said.

"I know, but you were protecting us, we would've been killed," I responded.

"But Sam," She fought, "I enjoyed it."

I fell silent, rubbing her hair gently, looking at the ceiling. I was thinking of some way to respond to her, to make her understand that it was okay. I hoped my silence would invite her to continue, which it had.

"I didn't want to enjoy it, but when I was faced with opposition, I craved it. I've been pushing these feelings down, but they keep coming up. What if it's not an enemy next? What if I.... What if I hurt one of you?" She questioned.

"No matter what the darkness in you causes, that is separate from you. You are Eden, not the darkness, it's just connected to you, it's part of you, but it is not you. I know for a fact that you won't let yourself be taken over so far that you hurt your family, you'll have to fight hard, but we'll help you," I assured her.

"Why, Sam? I know we're family, but after I enjoyed killing people, how are you not disgusted?" She mumbled into my chest, not looking at me.

"Enjoying killing people doesn't make you a monster, Eden. You have a conscience, you feel bad for liking to kill monstrous people. Monsters, Eden, are people that murder and feel nothing but happiness afterwards, or continue to murder freely, without burden," I explain quietly, kissing her on the top of her head.

   She stayed silent, sniffling into my chest.

"Do you know what the difference between killing and murdering is?" I asked, getting a nod from her.

"Killing is for protecting. You kill when you or someone else is in danger of being harm or death. Murder is in cold blood, when you have obvious ways to avoid it, or when there is no threat," She responded softly.

"Exactly," I reasoned, "You took enjoyment in killing, which means they deserved it. You didn't take enjoyment in murdering. You are a good person Eden, you just have your rough edges, as we all do."

Eden nodded, nuzzling deeper into my chest. She sighed, her crying now stopped. She sat up, looking down at me.

"I didn't like it, you know?" She said, staring into my eyes.