Rebound (A Justin Bieber Love Story)

20

I woke up and I had those terrible cramps again.  I knew that if these would be reoccurring, it's something serious.

"Justin, wake up," I mumbled.

I saw Justin turn over and not reply.  I needed him to drive me to the hospital.

"Justin, please," I pleaded.

"What?" He groggily asked.

"I need you to drive me to the hospital," I confessed.

As Justin was holding my hand to go to the car, the cramps were getting worse.  I was thinking about what I've done in the past few weeks, trying to self-diagnose myself.

When we got to the hospital, the paparazzi's automatically thought I was pregnant.  I laughed in their faces for being so foolish, but then I thought...

-

"Ms. Franklin," the Nurse called out.

I got up and Justin trailed behind me.  I looked back and him and he gave me a reassuring smile.

I had to get some tests taken, because the doctor didn't understand what I was describing him.  The doctor walked back to the room with my results.

"Do you want Justin in here for this?" The doctor questioned.

"Yes," I said without hesitation.

"I'm afraid I have some bad news for you-"

He took a pause and a deep breath.

"You had a miscarriage."

"I WHAT?" I yelled.

"You were only a few weeks pregnant, so you didn't know.  What happened was that the chromosomes were abnormal, basically meaning that the egg and sperm didn't have an even amount." He concluded.

Words weren't forming, so instead I just cried.  Even though I didn't want a baby, nor know I had one, it was still one of the most devastating situations I've ever been in.

"It's going to be okay," Justin reassured.

We left the hospital, and for the rest of the day, I barely talked.  I only talked when I needed to, and that wasn't very often.

"Liz, please.  It's going to okay.  I'm here for you." Justin stated.

"You don't understand do you?  My own child died.  I didn't even have a chance to raise it and tell it I loved it.  It's like I found out I was pregnant and I got it taken to me instantly." I said while sobbing.

"It was my child too babe." Justin commented.

"I know, I know.  It's just... nothing." I commented.

"Please tell me." He pleaded.

"I understand it was yours too, but it's inside me.  It's my responsibility for nine months, and I failed it." I whaled.

"You didn't fail.  You couldn't control it.  Please, stop putting all of this blame on you because you couldn't stop this even if you tried." He stated.

-

That night I went to sleep very early.  I couldn't fall asleep.  I tried and tried for hours, at least.  I got up slowly, trying not to wake Justin, and headed over to the bathroom.

I opened the drewer and saw a razor blade in there.  I admit, I was at a low point, but who could blame me?

I started cutting slowly, trying not to make to big of an incision to cause problems, but big enough that I could get the pleasure that it created.  I put the blade down and heard Justin stirring in the bedroom.

He got up and started walking over to the bathroom.  I hid the razor and tried cleaning up as fast as I possibly could.

"What the hell Liz?  Why are you up?" He asked, clearly being half asleep.

"I had to use the bathroom," I lied.

"Then why are you holding your arm?" he asked getting suspicious.

"I'm.. cold." I lied, again.

"Wait, no. No. No. No." he said.

He opened the drewer.  That was it.  My secret, my life, everything from my past that I brought over to Justin had just been revealed.

"You cut yourself?" he asked.

"No.  Well, yes.  But it's not something I do often!" I tried convincing him.

It's not like I was lying.  I don't do it frequently, just when I'm depressed or misreble.

"Liz, why didn't you tell me?" Justin asked.

"I couldn't bring myself to it.  I already bring all of my drama to you as is, I didn't want you to have to deal with any more.  I'm sorry." I said.

"Just go to bed," Justin chuckled try to lighten up the mood.

-

The next morning I told myself I would throw the blade out, and start fresh.  I got out of the bed and walked down to the bathroom.  I picked the blade up and just looked at it.  

"Goodbye razor.  You were good while you lasted." I said.

I tried throwing it in the trash, but my hand wouldn't release the tight grip that was holding the blade.  I physically and emotionally couldn't bring myself to get rid of it. 

I felt like I was in a cartoon and had a devil on one shoulder and an angel on the other.  The devil telling me to keep the blade because I'm worthless and I need it.  The angel was telling me to throw it away because I'm to good for this.

I tucked it back in the drewer and tried clearing my mind.  I went to walk out of the bathroom when Justin was standing right in the doorway.

"Are you seriously keeping it?" he asked sounding frustrated.

"You don't understand do you?  You thought I was a totally different person.  I told you that I've had a lot of problems in my life, and this is how I deal with them." 

I paused trying to regain myself.

"Yeah, I'm sure there are better ways with coping with problems.  This is the way I've been doing it for years and years now, and I'm not ready to change it right now." I admitted.

At that moment, I admitted that to Justin and myself.  I wasn't ready to just drop my self harm addiction.

"Liz, listen to me.  I'm not trying to aruge with you.  I just love you so much and I don't want to see you get hurt by anyone, let alone yourself.  I love you so much and I just want to protect you." He said.

"I know you want to protect me, but you can't protect me from myself." I admitted.

"You should go and get help though.  There are so many people out there just like you with the same problem." He commented.

"I guess, I'll think about it." I doubtfully said.