inside my mind • lucaya

Chapter Two

Is it possible that Zay could like me? I mean he sure does act like it. He told me anytime Riley and Lucas were together I could be with him. Was that just him being nice or did he have another reason?

I hope he doesn't like me. I don't want to break his heart, I know too well how that feels.

Maybe I'm just reading too far into this. Maybe.

"So Maya, how was your day so far?" he asks.

This needs to stop now. Before something bad happens.

"Pretty good. I'm pretty sure I failed my math test though. How about you?" I asked.

Why did I ask him? Well I guess it would have been rude if I didn't.

"Better now."

Don't look angry, don't look angry.

"Maya are you okay?" he asks.

Well that didn't work, okay.

"Yeah sorry," I say.

"Why are you apologizing?"

"It just... it feels weird that's all."

"Why does it feel weird?"

Stop asking questions or I swear I will punch you.

"We just never talk, that's all."

He smiles then says, "Well that is exactly why we should start."

Sometimes you just can't win with him.

I need someone to talk to about this. I can't talk to anyone in the group, because they will either tell Zay or find out I like Lucas. Maybe I can talk to someone online? I can try.

"Are you ready for history?" he asks.

"As ready as always, I guess."

"It's my favorite class."

"Mine too."

This is really awkward. Should I get to know him or stay acquaintances? This is all too much, too confusing.

✖

When I get home, I grab my phone and find an app for advice. It's like Kik, but it matches you with strangers. You can either be the one giving advice, or the one receiving it.

Pick a username.

Hmm...

Lucaya.

I know it's really lame to make up your own ship name, let alone make it your username, but hey, I need something to give me hope. Because right now, my hope jar is nearly empty.

IAmBroken: Hey.

Lucaya: Hey.

IAmBroken: So, Lucaya, what do you need advice about?

Lucaya: Before I tell you, are you good at giving advice?

IAmBroken: Yeah, what makes you ask?

IAmBroken: Oh!

IAmBroken: That would be my username.

Lucaya: Precisely.

IAmBroken: Lol. Well don't worry, I give advice to people all the time. It usually helps.

Lucaya: Okay but this one is pretty hard.

IAmBroken: I can take it.

Lucaya: Okay, if you say so. So, I like my best friend's boyfriend. I really like him. But at lunch, all of my friends ignore me, like I am out of place. So today, another friend told me that me and him could talk. The thing is, I think he likes me. And if he does, I don't want to break his heart because I know what a broken heart feels like. I know what being broken feels like. So I don't want to get close to him. I know that sounds mean, but I don't think being close is going to help because he is best friends with the guy I like and I feel like he will find out.

IAmBroken: Okay. First of all, does your friend know you like him?

Lucaya: No, that's why I need to talk to someone anonymous online. Obviously.

IAmBroken: Okay. How do you feel about the guy that wants to be your friend?

Lucaya: Well he is really nice and funny and a pretty cool guy.

IAmBroken: So what's the problem then?

Lucaya: I don't want him to love me. I don't want to break his heart.

IAmBroken: Are you sure you're scared of him falling in love with you?

Lucaya: Yes. That is why I'm worried.

IAmBroken: I don't think it is.

Lucaya: What do you mean you don't even know me.

IAmBroken: I think it may be possible that you are scared of falling in love with him.

Lucaya is typing...