inside my mind • lucaya

Chapter Twenty Seven

"Well Zay's dad just moved back in with him like a week and a half ago," Lucas says.

"Okay..."

"Yeah."

"Aren't you going to explain? I need details Lucas, I'm confused." I say throwing my hands in the air. I was getting really irritated with all this stalling.

"Did you know his dad moved out before?"

"Uh..."

"Well he didn't necessarily move out," he says, putting finger quotes around 'move out'.'

"What do you mean?" I ask tilting my head slightly to the right.

"He was arrested."

"What?"

I guess I didn't know as much about Zay as I thought I did.

"Yeah."

"Why?"

"He uh, I don't-" Lucas says, scratching his neck with one hand and pulling his hair with the other.

"It's okay. Take your time."

I finally understand that this is a lot more important than I was making it out to be.

"Did you know Zay has an older brother?"

"No, I didn't."

"That's because he doesn't."

What? Why would he ask me that if he didn't have a brother to begin with?

"Lucas what do you mean?"

"His dad... kinda... you know," he says, forming his fist into a gun and pointing in the air.

"He shot him?" I ask with my tone raising significantly.

"No, but he did kill him. He was drunk and started hitting him or something until he got a knife..." he says trailing off. Tears are starting to form in his eyes. I start crying as well because this is a lot to take in.

"So... Zay's dad stabbed Zay's brother?" I ask, the tears streaming now.

"Yeah. A couple times."

I left Zay alone.

"Lucas. Is Zay okay?" I ask quickly.

"Well he should be unless his dad was drinking, which is unlikely."

"How did he even get out of jail?"

"Good question."

"Wait what?"

"He shouldn't have gotten out, but he did. I'm still not sure how. I'm also not sure why Zay's mom let him move back in. They literally left Texas to get away from him."

"Wow."

That's the only word I can use to explain how I'm feeling right now. I have been through some horrible things, but having your brother killed? That's just insane.

"Yeah. I just hope Zay is okay," he says sighing.

"Hopefully they don't have any alcohol at his house."

"Maybe not. But that doesn't mean Zay is automatically safe."

"Should you text him?"

"No. We have an agreement for him to text me at twelve everyday so I know he's okay."

"Oh good," I say looking down.

This is a lot. It's a bit too much for me to handle honestly. I can't believe that actually happened. This can't actually be happening. That must be so horrible. I complain about not having my dad but at least I don't have an abusive murderer dad.

"I'm sorry," I say.

"Why?"

"For every time I complained about not having my dad. I know it still sucks, but it's nothing compared to what Zay is going through. I'm so so so sorry," I say with tears quickly forming in my eyes.

"Maya it's okay. It's gonna be okay," he says wrapping his arms around me. I lay my head in his shoulder and tightly wrap my arms around him.

Here I go again, making this about me when it really shouldn't be. The tears start flowing faster and faster, and I'm having trouble breathing.

"Every time... I do this... every time," I say with sobs in between my words.

"It's okay Maya."

"No it's not," I say raising my head up. "I always make this about me, and it isn't about me."

The tears keep coming and I can't stop them. It's always hardest to fight back the tears you've been holding back the longest.

Lucas pulls me back into his chest and starts playing with my hair. It feels safe, and it calms me down a bit. I keep crying, but the tears aren't as intense.

Maybe everything will be okay, after all.