inside my mind • lucaya

Chapter Sixteen

He did not just say that. He just said that didn't he?

"Wait what?" I ask.

"I said there is a possibility," he says smirking.

"And what exactly does that mean?"

"You tell me."

"Do you like me or not?"

"It depends."

"On what?"

"How do you feel, Maya?"

Should I tell him? What if he doesn't like me and he is just trying to find my answer? You know what, I have hidden this for far too long. I am telling him.

"Riley was right," I say anxiously.

"She was?" he asks and a smile slowly appears on his face.

"Yes. She was. Now, was she right about you?" I ask.

If I am going to be completely honest, I am terrified to hear his answer. My hands are shaking and my heart is racing. I feel like the hurricane in my stomach is beginning to pick up speed more and more each second.

"I think Riley is smarter than we give her credit for," he says.

"So does that mean yes?"

"It most definitely means yes," he says and then pulls me into a hug.

It feels amazing being embraced in his arms. I feel like I could be here all day. It feels safe, like home. The longer he hugs me, the more at home I feel.

I could get used to this.

But then we pull away from each other.

"So what's next?" he asks with excitement filling his eyes, but his body looks calm.

What do I tell him? I don't want to date yet.

"Friends... for now," I say.

A look of confusion fills his face, "What?"

"Look, I want to date, just not yet."

"Why not?"

"You and Riley just broke up. She said she doesn't care if or when we do, but I think we should at least wait a week or two so it isn't awkward."

He seems to understand because his facial expression changes from one of confusion to one of understanding, "That makes sense."

"Good," I say smiling.

I would date him now but it wouldn't be fair to Riley. She needs a grieving period whether she admits it or not.

I finally understand my dream now. Maybe we will actually have a moment at the movie. I hope so.

✖

"Endings and beginnings," Mr. Matthews begins from the front of the class.

It's about us. It always is.

"Sometimes something has to end for another thing to begin. Sometimes death can bring life," he says.

"What do you mean?" Riley asks.

"I mean that sometimes for something to happen, another thing has to end to cause it," he says.

We all know what he means, because Riley and Farkle look at me. Then I turn around and Lucas is smiling.

I miss when he used to sit behind me.

"Does anyone have an example of how something ending caused a new beginning?" he asks.

Farkle raises his hand, "Organ donation."

"Great example. Anyone else?" he says.

"Us. Everyday we have things that end and begin. Without change, we would never grow," Smackle says.

"Exactly. Now why is that?" he asks.

"Because when life throws something at us it changes us. If we never struggled we would never learn anything," Riley says.

"Lucas?" he asks.

"Sometimes you have to end things for the better, even if it may seem bad at the time. I had to leave Texas, and even though it was terrifying it ended up being one of the best experiences I have ever had," he says.

"What about you Maya?" Mr. Matthews asks.

"Like Farkle said, except not in the literal sense. Sometimes you give up a part of yourself so someone else can thrive. Even if it hurts, you do it because you love them and want the best for them. But sometimes, regardless of your efforts, what you were trying to sustain dies anyways. Some people donate organs when they are alive, and are still given the chance to live. But some have to die to donate them. The ones who were alive can live their whole life knowing they helped someone, even if it only helps the person for a limited time, they still helped," I say.

"What are you saying?" Riley asks me.

"That even though you may want your organ, you give it to someone else because you think they need it more," I say.

"And even though they can't give it back to you if you needed it, I'm sure they would want to," she says.

"Thank you Riley," I say.

I love her. But I'm still not convinced she didn't do this for me.

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I kinda like this chapter but I have a mixed emotions

also, 500 reads! ❤❤