Fans to friends, to love till the end

Oh dear..

My life had officially started falling apart. Wait a minute, who am I kidding? My life started falling apart, the second it started. When my parents passed away and i grew up kind of clueless of who I really was. Liam and his family had lied to me and I had to figure out the truth by myself. Zack and his horrible girlfriend making me feel horrible about my self.

I don't really like to act sad. I like to put a fake smile on. I no if I looked depressed my friends would question and I do t want them worrying about little old me. They didn't need to. Ashton Irwin seemed to be trying to make my life even worse.

If I didn't have my friends and maybe one direction, thinking about it, what would I have? The answer is along the lines of nothing. I literarily, for the love of everything, have to find George. No words can describe how much I seriously want to get to know him. Get close to him maybe.

The other reason why I don't like to show people I'm upset or stressed or depressed, is mostly because of what they'd think. I don't want them thinking I was making it all up for attention or anything like that, as I really wasn't.

I just feel if I seriously let my feelings out, someone won't believe me. And I don't think I could gel that. Actually, I know I couldn't. It would be an awful feeling. I know what it's like to go through things like bullying, but I'm not letting that happen to Ruth. No way! She can stay side by side with me.

The fact that 5sos, guided by Ashton, beat me up haunts me.

The fact that I may never meat George Shelley haunts me.

The fact I sometimes feel this way, haunts me.

The fact that Zack hates me, haunts me.

The fact that Liam was ok with lying to me for years, haunts me.

The fact that Ruth might be getting bullied by Ashton, haunts me.

The fact that no one understands properly, haunts me.

But the thing that haunts the most, is that I actually look at this, and think 'life.'

"Ruth i have to talk to you!" I exclaim, bursting into rich white tears. Crying so hard my throat clogged up. I was choking on horrible tears. My eyes were hot and heavy and my face was wet. My mouth was in an almost fixed frown and I was at the breaking point!