imagines; c. d & s. m

S. M. 》Jar of Hearts

Shawn's POV

I layed down on the bed and stared blankly at the ceiling. I sighed then closed my eyes and remembered what happened.

《 Flashback 》

"I returned here from Houston just to see you because I can't help myself!" She yelled at me and tears are falling from her beautiful eyes while my heart dropped and guiltiness starts to kill me.

"I can't stop missing you. I don't want us far away from each other because I fucking love you" she cries and I don't know what to say.

"But when I came home here? This is what I'm going to see? You're having s-x with a girl, Shawn?"

"What happened to you? I trust you and you told me that you love me" she said while looking at me.

"I do but-" I was cut off by her saying "You do? But what's this?" She paused. "Why do you need to cheat on me?" She continued.

"I-I don't know..." I said and she rolled her eyes in disbelief. "I'm gone for only 2 months, can't you just wait!?" She almost screamed.

"Two months!? Do you think it's easy for me to wait? Who knows that those two months you're gone and you cheated on me" I said and she sighed.

"Is that what you really think?" Her voice cracked and the anger filled me.

"Yes, because you're a slut" I said with my jaw clenched. She took a deep breath and I can see how broken she is.

"Fine, call me a slut and you'll know why I'm gone for two months for an important reason" she said, not lokimg at me.

"Important reason like what? Date a guy in Houston so that I can't see what the both of you're doing?" I yelled and punched the wall causing her to jump.

"I'm. Not. Dating. A guy, Shawn" she said and I can see the anger in her eyes.

"I won't believe you" I said and she rolled her eyes. "I didn't cheated on you! You're the one!" She yelled at me.

"But you never said that you're going to be gone for two months! I've been trying to call and text you but you weren't answering!" I yelled at her.

"I just-" I cut her off by saying "I'm done with this! Let's break up" and she shrugged. I looked at her and she pulled her lips inside.

"Fine" she said and walked out of the door. I fell on the floor and started crying as my heart began to shatter.

"I'm so stupid!" I yelled and punched the wall harshly causing my knuckles to bleed.

I cheated on her and now, it's my fault for throwing words at her that she didn't even do.

I hate myself after I told Y/N that she's a slut. The anger ate me that's why I said that to her.

I wonder why she's gone for two months. I didn't asked the reason why.

I just got mad because she just left me without even a reason. I though she doesn't love me anymore thats why I cheated on her.

| 1 week passed |

I feel empty and the memories of
Y/N and I kept running through my mind.

I wonder how she's doing. Is she doing great without me? Is she fine? Is she happy?

I sat on the couch and turned on the television. I played random movies but I'm not really paying attention to.

I groaned because it feels like my heart is on fire from its aching. I tilt my head back and closed my eyes. I heard the door bell rang. I opened my eyes and stood up.

I opened the door and it's Y/N's parents. Oh shit. I gulped and looked at them, they have the sadness in their eyes.

"Shawn? Can we talk to you?" Her mom asked sweetly as I nodded. I let her in with Y/N's father.

I let them sat down on my couch and I looked at them. "Can I get you something?" I asked them and her mom shook her head.

"No thanks, just sit down sweetie" she said and I did. His dad sighed and I looked at him.

"I don't know how to start but, Y/N is now gone" he shook his head while looking at the ground and her mom starts to tear up.

I don't know if I'm hearing it right. My hands and lips are shaking. I'm feeling cold.

"Y-Y/N? Why? What happened?" I asked them while shaking and her mom spoke up.

"She's gone for two months right? She's in Houston because she needs to be cured.." she paused and sniffed.

"My brother which is a doctor, knows how to cure a person that has cancer that's why I brought her there in Houston"

"Y/N had a cancer, Shawn" she cried and a tear fell on my cheek while my lips are parted.

I don't know what to say and I'm literally shaking. I tried to speak but I failed.

"She's sorry for not telling you early and we are too.. I forced her to go in Houston to get cured because the doctor said she needs to get cured really early so she can survive"

"She told me that I shall tell you how much she loves you and no one will replace you" she cried and my heart burns again from its aching.

"She gave you this as a remembrance. She made it while she's in the hospital" she cried and handed me a cute paper bag.

"The day you broke up with her was the day she supposed to tell you that she had a surprise for you which will be going to be that one" she said pertaining to the paper bag.

"I'm really really sorry" I cried. "She's supposed to be gone for five months but she wants to get out of the hospital because she misses you a lot" she said and I took a deep breath because my heart was now heavy.

"But now, she's gone Shawn. She wants you to be happy and most important of all, she wants you to know how much she loves you" her mom cried and I did too.

.

They left and I fucking feel bad. I let her fight cancer alone. I'm not a good and deserving boyfriend.

"Fuck!" I yelled as I throwed the vase and let it be broken just like my heart.

I opened the paper bag and it's revealing a big jar that has a lot of hearts.

It says '100 reasons why I love you'. There's a small card that says

I love you, Shawn! So so much ♥

There are a lot of reasons why I love you and it's not only 100! Keep this.

I started reading each of them and my heart burns everytime I read it because I know I won't be able to tell her how much I love her too.

I'm going to miss you, Shawn. I love you so so much and don't forget that I never stopped loving you. I will love you until I'm gone.

-Y/N ♥

I cried when I saw a card underneath all of those 100 paper hearts.

I regretted everything that I did and told to her. I'm going to miss her and I don't know if I can move on with this.

I love Y/N so much. I was too dumb. I didn't even showed her how much I love her till her last breath.

I'll love you and I'll never stop loving you forever, Y/N. You'll always stay in my heart and I'll keep this jar of hearts as my remembrance of you.

《 End of Flashback 》

I showered and I'm going to Y/N's grave to visit her. I'll just sit there and tell how much I love her.

I'll bring her bouquet of roses just how I used to and the jar of hearts that she gave me.

*cries* byeee