Yesterday night, Baekhyun had a dream that he hasn't had in a long time.
(It's not a dream, it's only a dark nightmare composed of a recurring memory).
"Mummy?" The small feet of a nine year old paddle on what's supposed to be the rich white ceramic floor of his house, but instead he can only see his feet hovering above the endless darkness that threatens to swallow him up. "Where are you?"
He's afraid. The darkness settles virulently over his surroundings, almost like death is waiting for him at the end of it. The thunder had woken him up, the booming sound reverberating in his ears. The lightning zaps abruptly in all corners, and he feels like if he's close enough, he might be snatched into its sharp, waiting claws. He has nothing but his toy plushie in his hand – the only comfort he currently has – the only comfort that's not enough.
The floors are designed not to make a sound. After all, they aren't the typical cheap wooden floorboards most families have at their common homes. But this seems to be a disadvantage to someone as small as Byun Baekhyun back then.
As he inches closer to his parents' bedroom, the door that seems to tower over his small frame is heedlessly left slightly ajar until a string of light spills from the crack.
Maybe mummy hasn't heard me. He thinks to himself, and after all, it makes a lot of sense. All throughout his years he had been didactically told by his mother that he should be quiet and gentle when speaking – should be elegant and demure at all times. I'll just go to her then.
As he inches closer, he begins to hear strange noises.
"Ah~ Jaeyong ..." He hears his mother , and he doesn't know why she's doing that. And isn't Jaeyong her ... business friend or something? Whatever she called it?
Baekhyun steps closer and peeks through the crack, and he can see their bodies intimately close, their bodies and so intimately close.
Aren't you supposed to only be this close when you're married? Baekhyun thinks as he inches even closer. You're not supposed to do this to friends, right ...?
Befuddled, Baekhyun can hear their groans in unison as the bed creaks under their weight, and it even drowns out the little boy's whispers.
"Mummy ..." Clutching a toy bear in his hand, he hugs it closer to himself, feeling some sort of fear settle in his heart as he hears them screaming incoherent words out loud, then collapse in a heap together.
Too close.
Closer than Baekhyun wants it to be.
Closer than his mummy is usually with his daddy.
"I love you, Jaeyong ..." He hears his mother say in a tone he's never heard before in his life, not to his father. Not to him.
You're not supposed to say that to anyone other than your family.
"I love you too, baby girl~" This Jaeyong guy replies, and Baekhyun shakes his head, feeling tears well up in his eyes. That's what his father used to call his mother.
His heart is a little too heavy for a nine-year old boy like him. He knows something is wrong here, because he can see a sort of twisted love in here that he will never be able to witness in his parents (nor his mother to him), and suddenly he resents it. He wants to discard the sudden burden, by screaming or throwing a tantrum or simply threatening his mother to leave that guy with the spilling of his tears, because he knows that will work. He knows that if he screams loud enough his mother might leave this Jaeyong guy.
