-Flashback-
Nothing was going right in his life.
By fourteen, Baekhyun had gone through watching his parents neglect him, instead of them preferring to find different partners every night rather than care for him. Baekhyun didn't want to, but he had heard the noises their parents had made with faceless men and women even through the thickest of walls. They didn't even bother trying to conceal their sounds. Baekhyun would wake up to the noises and he would go back to sleep, terrified of what might happen to his family and feeling terribly alone.
By this time, his brother is hardly home, being of age already. Baekhyun had been left, alone, inside the house that's beginning to feel like a prison, trapping him in.
Being optimistic used to help him, and smiling and joking about his parents ing other people felt better too, as long as he could see the worry leaving Jongin and Jongdae's faces as well as their parents'. As if it's no big deal, when all it used to do was send him crying alone in his bedroom. He didn't need the pity.
After a long while, though, as the burdens and hurt his parents selfishly and recklessly gave him piled up too much onto his heart, his optimism started fading away until he had none left. He used to think it would last him until he grew up and got a life of his own, stripped free of his irresponsible parents, but the lack of love almost killed him inside. The moment his optimism and hope left him, it all started going down.
Despair climbed onto his heart like a contagious wildfire, and suddenly he's hardly happy anymore. By fourteen, Baekhyun had gone through the neglect of his parents and adorned his skin with the hundredth self-inflicted scar.
By fourteen, he wants to die, and yet is too afraid to.
"Bye. See you tomorrow." Baekhyun smiles as Jongdae waves at him before rushing off. When Jongdae disappears, Baekhyun lets his façade break and he slides down the lockers. After all, he's becoming quite good at faking already. Looking around, he sees that no one is in sight. That's to be expected, since it's a Saturday evening and the only reason why he was here with Jongdae in the first place was because they wanted to get something from their desks. He doesn't even know why he's always feeling like this, just that the world and he's not good enough. If his parents don't want him, then the world doesn't want him either. If his parents act like he's a burden, then maybe he always was from the start.
It hurts. With shaking hands, Baekhyun reaches down into his pocket and takes out his most prized possession: his pocketknife. Rolling up his sleeves and pulling it up to his upper arms, he sees fresh scars along the bend of his arm and some even on the lower half of his upper arm. Even though it hurts when he showers or when he does anything that required his arm to bend, it somehow brings a sense of comfort in him (that he never really felt from anyone else). He hates pain, hates it to the bone, and his heart skips a beat every time the knife gets close to his skin, but he abhors the pain he keeps inside his heart most. And he will exchange that for anything.
Now his feelings are spiralling out of control and his heart is hurting. Pocketknife in hand, he unbends it and holds it close to his skin, desperately digging down until the pain focuses on his arm and blood flows out. Suddenly he doesn't feel so troubled anymore. Letting out a gasp, he drops the hand with the pocketknife, shutting his eyes tightly as he feels the blood pool out. He lets out a shaky sigh. Somehow it doesn't feel enough. His emotions are still going crazy.
Grabbing the pocketknife in hand again, he places it under his knee pit. Then, without hesitation, he lets his knife glide across his skin, hissing in pain when he feels his skin open up. Baekhyun never cuts too deeply, because he doesn't want to leave scars – he doesn't want to leave evidence of his ed up feelings where he knows people can find and exploit. He doesn't want to give people an excuse to take care of him. He doesn't want to see the troubled faces of Jongdae, Jongin and their parents. He doesn't want to bother anyone who might be kind enough to care.
