From that day on, Baekhyun tries to distract himself at the same time as trying to remember his place in the world. He s so many people it becomes a daily routine, until he s so much he can't remember how many times he's done it in a day, doesn't even remember he's ing the same person twice in a day unless that person reminds him. The pain in his body happens so much it's a habit. He doesn't even feel pain anymore, just numbness.
He does it so much that he has to start counting down to the end of the week, then counting down to the end of the day, and finally, counting down to the end of each . He tries not to think about the future, on how he has to do this every day for the rest of his life until he has the life drained out of him, because thinking about it just makes him want to find ways to die.
He notices Chanyeol acting weird too, but he reminds himself not to think too much about it. Chanyeol is just a stranger now. Baekhyun shouldn't get too close to him, just like he can't get close to other people. Somehow, doing that leaves a gaping hole in his chest that continues to expand, and he feels so hurt he can't feel it anymore. He feels hurt so much that when he gets a different sort of pain, he tells himself that it's okay, he'll get used to it.
But Chanyeol.
Every time he sees Chanyeol, he feels his heart coming back to life, feels his cheeks go hot with shame as he remembers how many men he's ed. And yet, seeing Chanyeol makes his heart bleed, because Chanyeol doesn't look well.
Baekhyun's fine, he knows that.
He just doesn't know if Chanyeol is.
He starts using eyeliner after he realises he has heavy bags through sleepless nights.
The darker his bags, the darker his eyeliner.
Don't sleep. Don't ever sleep.
Or they'll come after you again.
"Are you going to Sehun's birthday party?" Why? Why is he talking to him again? Didn't he just tell himself not to get too close?
Yet, even as Chanyeol ignores him, Baekhyun feels a pain shoot into his heart.
"What's up with you lately? You should get out more." Control. Don't show your real self. You've done that so much lately. What place do you have to do that?
"Go a guy or two. Get a girlfriend. Don't you have a life?" Why can't you just leave my mind alone? Why can't you just get a ing lover and make me forget you? Why can't you just ing smile?
"Whatever. I'm leaving. Bye." At least if he doesn't reply, it'll make it easier to forget him.
Why do I care so much?
Just what is he to me?
Chanyeol speaks.
"What happened? You're limping." I'm not. Why would I limp?
"Maybe you're hallucinating."
"I'd never hallucinate when it comes to you." Haha, why does it sound like you're going back to your old self? That's cheesy, coming from you. "How can I, when I notice things about you that other people don't?" Why do you say that? Don't say that.
"It's not like I ing want to, Baekhyun, but I do. I notice so much about you it's ing scary. I know you're not acting yourself, I know that you're closing yourself up again, and I know I can't do anything because I don't know what the is wrong with you." Don't say that. I'm fine.
Are you? He wants to ask Chanyeol.
"Do you even enjoy this? Are you hurting yourself?" I'm not hurting myself. I'm fine. Just a little tired. It's crazy, coming from me, but I hope you're okay.
