Your Crying Shoulder

Watching You Die

Mae's pov

i ran and ran. I couldn't be at the farm anymore. My lungs burned to stop and take a break, but I just couldn't. Tears poured down my face and I just let them. Mom was dead. Grandpa was dead. Sophia was dead! I promised to keep her safe! Only when carol's voice entered my mind did I run faster,

"She looks up to you. You've done so much for her"

Then Carl's voice,"She always said she wanted to be just like you. That you were super brave and nice and even fun. That nothing scared you."

Choking back sobs I finally entered my place of destination. The pond that just a few hours ago served as a beautiful and calm place. With tears still pouring down my face, I looked to my right and saw the Cherokee roses. Thinking back to the time daryl brought me one when I was shot and just a few hours ago when we were looking at them and him telling me he'd find her, but all these flowers were was false hope. I Hated them. They disgusted me. Growling, I forcefully wiped the tears from my face and stormed over to them and started kicking them and ripping them out of the ground. As this was happening, I found myself screaming and I honestly didn't care if walkers heard. Looking down, I saw every flower in that bush had been destroyed. Breathing heavily, I backed away from the bush and admired my work as another voice entered my head. One I didn't want in there.

"She's dead because of you. They all are? You can never do anything right" the voice of my father growled.

Shaking, I gripped onto the gun I had in my holster and pulled it out. The weight of it feeling completely light as it became more and more friendly.

"Do it Mae. You don't deserve to live" dad's voice growled.

Mentally agreeing with my father, I let more tears fall. No one needed me here. The only people that really depended on me were already dead. I needed to die. I didn't deserve to live. I NEVER deserved to live. Dad was always right. With those thoughts, every scar on my body started to feel like they were on fire, but I didn't flinch. I sat there and enjoyed the pain. Taking a deep breath, I confidently raised the gun up against my temple. For some reason it felt right in place. As more tears fell down my face, I looked up at the bright blue Atlanta sky one last time. I smiled lightly and closed my eyes as I prepared to pull the trigger. Just as I was about to, the gun was yanked forcefully from my hand causing my eyes to shoot wide open and almost fall. Once my balance retained, I looked over and saw my gun on the ground and a very angry looking dixon glaring me down breathing heavily. Oh shit. I froze in place as I starred at Daryl. His blue eyes darker than I've ever seen them. They were more like black. Quickly adverting my eyes back down at the gun that now lay on the floor I thought about making a dive for it and just ending it as quick as I could. Daryl must've sensed my thought and kicked the gun behind him. Trying to control my breathing I waited for the expected yelling that was about to happen. Instead he said nothing and just starred me down. The silence was hurting me more than the actual fear of him blowing up. Finally not being able to take it any longer I started to say,

"Daryl....I..."

"No don't" he growled.

Freezing, more tears flew down my face as I waited for his next move.

"What the hell do you think you're doin!" He yelled.

"Daryl I just thought...." I started to say, but was once again cut off,

"No you weren't thinking! You're stronger than this Mae!" He spat.

"No I'm not! Everyone that ever gave a shit about me is gone!" I screamed.

We just starred at each other with him breathing heavily and his fists clenched. Looking at his now white fists I sighed,

"Go ahead if you gotta."

His eyes followed my gaze down to his fists and he shook his head,

"You just don't get it do you. You think people don't give a shit about you!" He exclaimed.

"My grandpa! My mom! Sophia! I couldn't protect any of them! I didn't even burry my mom! You did! Grandpa gave up because I couldn't protect him anymore! Sophia looked up to me and counted on me and she's dead! I couldn't even tell them I lov...lo..." I tried with everything I had to spit out the "L" word but I still couldn't! Sighing, I shook my head,

"My dad was right on this Daryl"

"No. Nothin your dad ever did to you or said to you was ever right so get that out of yer damn mind!" He yelled causing me to flinch.

"Daryl it's over" I whispered, "I'm done. Just please let me go my own way"

Daryl stormed up to me,"get them thoughts outta ya head right now. Yer stronger than this. I know it and you know it so stop it! You think you don't matter!? Do you know what rick would do if he knew this little stunt you're about to pull!"

"Daryl please! I can't live through anymore of this! I don't want to watch tdog, officer grimes or anyone die! I can't take it if something were to happen to you!" I screamed.

"Me?" He growled.

"Especially you Daryl!" I yelled not being able to contain what I truly want to say to him anymore,

"I don't know what it is but whenever I'm around you I feel safe! I get this feeling in my stomach that I can't explain but I like it! And I just don't know anymore! I can't lose you! I can't stand even thinking of ever watching you die!"

I was full on sobbing now as Daryl just stood there watching me. I heard his footsteps get closer to me and I heard him throw his crossbow on the ground. When I looked up I almost jumped at how close we were. Our noses were basically touching as he growled,

"And you think I can just watch you?"

My eyes widened but before I could say anything Daryl's lips were on mine. Completely startled, I finally kissed back as he brought his hand behind my head and pushed me up against a tree. My insides felt like fireworks were exploding. I've never been kissed like this. Hell I've never been kissed by anyone that I wanted to be kissed by. I needed this and I felt like I could finally breathe. I sensed the need in Daryl and the need in me to be around him. Finally needing to breathe, I pulled away and he rested his head on my forehead as he whispered,

"If you can't lose me, I can't lose you"