Redemption

Chapter Thirteen

Song: Daughters-John Mayer

When we walked in, Karen, Aleah and my mother were sitting at the kitchen table, looking through Aleah's engagement pictures. Elliot and I stood in the doorway, waiting for them to notice us. No one was really talking, it was more of an awkward silence between them. Karen was the first one to turn around, a smile spread across her face. "Hello, Andy." It got the attention of Aleah and my mother, they both turned with their eyes wide. No one said anything, only looked at one another in silence.

    I cleared my throat, "Can we talk?" I looked at my mother and she nodded, leaving her place at the table. We walked outside to the patio and sat down at the table, neither of us saying anything. We sat in silence for a few minutes until I decided to speak up. "I'm not going to apologize for what I said, I meant what I said. I do apologize for making  a scene at dinner, though. It was childish of me."

    My mother sighed and looked over at me, tears brimming her eyes. "Andrea, you have nothing to apologize for, really. I should be the one begging for your forgiveness, even if I don't deserve it. I cannot tell you how sorry I am for treating you so horridly. You have never deserved it and I hate myself for doing it to you. I know that my excuses mean nothing, I know that. You remind me so much of your father, Andy," She laughed and wiped the tears that fell down her cheeks. "Everything you do and say, how you react to things, the way you look...it's as if you are living through him. I loved your father more than anything in the world. When I had you, I loved you even more. Growing up, you were your father through and through. I loved you so much that words couldn't even begin to describe. When he passed away, he took a part of me with him. I couldn't get myself to function without thinking about him. I didn't even think of how you were handling it. I was too depressed to even think or feel.

    "I've been a shitty mom since then and I realize that now. God, I really don't know what has gotten into me these past few years. I can't take anything back no matter how bad I want to. You deserve a mother who is going to be there for you and I haven't. I'm sorry I allowed our relationship to get to this point. Your father would be so ashamed of me and I hate knowing that I've ruined my chances with you. I won't make any excuses for myself, I know you don't want to hear it. But I just want you to know how sorry I am. I love you, Andy, I really do." She couldn't stop crying as she sat across from me. No matter how hard I wanted to walk away from her, I knew this was only going to help us in the long run.

    "I forgive you, mom. I understand what happened when dad died, I lived through it too. I've never been the same after it and I know you changed too. But I can't just act like nothing has happened between us. I can't let something so big go as if nothing has happened. You don't understand how hurt I was watching you with Aleah when she was trying her wedding dress on. You seem to care more for her than me and I can't handle that. You're right, I do deserve a mother who is there for me. I deserved one a long time ago and you weren't there. But I'm hoping to get passed this and move on because I'm tired of hurting and holding grudges, it's draining me." I sat back in my seat and sighed, finally able to relax. As hard as it was to admit, I felt slightly better. Elliot was right about one thing, holding grudges certainly didn't do anything for you.

    "I don't expect you to forgive me so easily, Andy. I hope you know that I will do the same for you when you decide to get married, I will be there every step of the way. Aleah hasn't had a mother figure in her life, ever. So I wanted her to feel as if she had a mother in her life. I didn't know that would result in losing you. I never meant for it to seem like I favored one of you over the other. You've always been my daughter, Andy, and you always will be. Even though I haven't shown that you're my number one in life, I still see you as that. You always will be, honey, no matter what. I know I have a lot of work to do, but I will do anything to get you back," She leaned across the table and grabbed my hands, squeezing lightly. No matter how hard it was to give in, I allowed myself to surrender. I was glad we had everything out in the open, I felt so much better. "Andy, why didn't you tell anyone that you were pregnant?"