Roxan ~ In My Life with the Beatles

23

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After paying and hopping out John and I sat on the front steps for a while...

"You know, I'm sorry for the other night. I shouldn't have pushed you so much" John drew a drag of his smoke staring straight ahead "I won't scare you again luv"

This was our first mention of the awkward encounter the night of the anniversary. I need to fix it; It was my fault after all.

"Come on I'll make you a cuppa if you want" I stood up and held out my hand for John, he flicked his smoke into the ashtray by the door and let me lead him into the dark kitchen.

"Must be pretty spooky here at night. Big creaky old house, loose floor boards and the like"

"Well thanks for that, now I am spooked! Here, grab the bikkies and we can go into the sitting room" John followed me upstairs to my own lounge room I turned the side table lights on and the lamp in the corner. Not too bright nor dull either.

"Would you like the radio on? Play a game of cards perhaps?" I'm prattling on saying lots but saying nothing at all really. "Just.. I'm not that tired and.. Oh damn it. Look John I was the idiot the other night, not you. You did nothing but compliment me and I turned on my heel and fled like the baby I am. I want to be with you more. I like you, I trust you. I'm a little broken and not sure how to fix myself"

"Stop all that. Come sit here and drink some tea, calm down. It's alright"

I flopped next to John and took my tea. The heat of the cup warming my hands. We were side by side, this was how we usually sat arguing over the daily papers.

"It's OK Roxan. I was attempting, as usual- bull at a gate seems the perfect pun, to move too fast, stupidly forgotting your pain. How about we start over again. Just sit, chat, play cards, charades, whatever. You know I'm happy just to read the paper with you"

He gently took my hand off my lap and held it, running his thumb over my knuckles and looking over at me.

"I want to take you out to dinner, just you and me to that little Italian place you like round the corner. Do you think you could handle me, alone for an hour or three?" John stopped talking and his brown eyes willed me to trust him.

"Yes please, that would be lovely. And of course we can chat and talk and read the paper, crosswords too... I'm rambling again, aren't I?" I looked for confirmation. Johns head bobbed the slightest to confirm.

"Ramble on me lady, I have all night. Shall we play a game of cards. Gin Rummy perhaps?" John grabbed the playing cards off the coffee table and started attempting card tricks.

"OK but we should have a small wager on who will win tonight I think! Nothing big though"

"I like the way you think!" John then tapped his chin in thought. I had seamlessly given him the upper hand on selecting what we were to bet on. "OK Rox... I'm going to say this but if it's too much we can think of something else. Righto let's see...um... ok the loser makes tea all week. Winner gets a kiss from the loser"

"That seems to be a win- win for you, wager! I can back out if I feel uneasy thought, right?" John nodded empathically "Well might as well go ahead then!"

"Bravo, great choice Rox. Now get ready for a flogging, I'm a card shark!!" John winked at me and so began 3 hours of cards, then charades, then cards again.

Our eyes were popping out of our heads but the scores were so evenly matched John decided he wanted a clear winner by five points! And so, after that decision, he slowly but surely fell behind my tally. By the time I was three up on him he was in the bathroom splashing water on his face to wake himself up. He liked the prize alright but his 'win at all costs' character trait made him hate to lose.

"Ha Ha" I slammed the cards on the table in triumph "I did it- five points up. Winner, Winner chicken dinner" I jumped on the lounge making him groan loudly.

"OK, OK you win. Do you want me to pay up now or later"? I had all but forgotten the wager, John certainly hadn't. I flopped on the lounge making him groan again. I chose to ignore him for the moment.

"It's late or should I say early. How about you take the guest room and we get some shut eye" I motioned to the door beside the bathroom.

"Loverly idea luv. I'm about ready to drop" John stood and stretched making him heaps taller than me, wandering over to the guest room. "Arrr. Night Rox, sweet dreams luv"

He left the door ajar and after a few minutes I was alone and left with my thoughts; I used the bathroom brushing my teeth then I changed into my long sleeved, toe length night dress. I wandered into the lounge area again to turn off the lamps. Spotting Johns discarded jacket I picked it up off the carpet and folded it neatly so not to crease, placing it over the chair near the desk.
I didn't collect my winnings.. Should I? Would it hurt to get a peck on the cheek. I moved quietly over to the doorway and stepped into the darken room the lamp light glowing softly, enough to spill into the open doorway making shadows on the walls.

"John?"

"mmmmmm. Yep. You ok?" he murmured back.

Here goes... "Um there's the small matter of my winnings" I hugged my arms to myself and moved closer to the bed. Leaning over I could feel his breathe on my cheek as my eyes adjusted to the light I could just make out his strong handsome features, shadows flittering over his face and the wall. Hadn't we been here before.. I paused, beginning to second guess myself. No! No, I'm NOT going to think of Liverpool- Just no.

Right. Just do it.. then it's done and you can turn and walk out.

I moved again, he was so still.

Was he asleep?
Nope holding his breathe maybe, but not asleep.
"If I hover like this for another five minutes will you turn purple!?"

He let out a large sigh and reached a hand to my cheek. I smiled in the semi-darkness.

"There you are" John said quietly.

"Right. Ready?"

It's not the changing of the guards you know luv" He whispered teasing me.

I swooped in thinking I would catch his cheek but he turned slightly as I was about to peck him. I lightly kissed those lips, those lips that belonged to John, my, my what? I do care for him an awful lot.

His fingers grazed my cheek and I lifted my head slightly. What the heck..... I leaned down again and forgot- forgot the bad and found good. He didn't hold me just touched my cheek and hair gently. I broke away slightly dazed, this right now was my true 'first' kiss.

"Stay" John held my hand "Just lay here. We can hold hands, chat or fall asleep. Wont you Rox?"

I turned toward the living room, a step, then two toward the light but hesitated as I reached the doorway. I then upended my safe existence.
I turned on my heel and slid in between the sheets.

I lay down beside John both in our own worlds. Silence stretched between us for what seemed hours but it must have only been a few minutes, we turned towards the other  at the very same moment and giggled.

"Sweet dreams luv" John placed a soft kiss on my cheek.

"Sweet dreams winks" I grabbed his hand and held it. He was my anchor in the storm, I could begin to let go of the shackles of my mind now.