Roxan ~ In My Life with the Beatles

55

Johns POV

She just sat there, not moving, Sophie sat at her feet giving me the once over, her eyes boring into me. The silence stretched five, ten minutes not a word. Guess this was to be expected.

Sophie hopped up and refilled Roxan's glass setting it on the table just in front of her mum.

Sophie, my daughter, and look how big and beautiful she is. How much have I missed- everything, that's what! I'm a stupid wanker.

Sophie stepped towards me her eyes never wavering "Are you my daddy? I have a picture" She ran off at top speed, I let my eyes trail after her. Roxan picked up the glass of water, studied it intently, took another gulp then placed it silently back on the table.

"See... here is my daddy and here is you" Sophie held up a photo and a mirror. The photo was of Rox and I the day she told me she was pregnant.

Sitting on the floor with Sophie now at my height I answered "Yes that's me, daddy; and you ..." I point to the little belly Rox had the day of the photo "you were in your mummy's tummy"

I didn't expect what was to come. I certainly didn't deserve the love or hugs or little kisses Soph rained on me she was so happy, so innocent to all my misadventures. Roxan never tainted me in Sophie's eyes. Rox was always better than that, I never really thought she would, though she had plenty of good reasons to.

Rox stirred, fingers touching Sophie's cheek.

"Soph. Huny. Go get your towel and sunscreen and the beach bag from in the laundry" Rox smiled as she did so. Sophie, her number one priority. Not yet addressing me but obviously giving us a minute alone while Soph was away.

"Don't call her that. You don't get to call her that!"

"What" I whispered, I hadn't called her anything but Sophie out loud.

"Soph- don't call her that. Don't even THINK Soph like you just did. You don't deserve to call her that, yet"

"So you're still reading my mind then... Syd" Her eyes were glassy and she was trying hard not to 'lose it' for Sophie's benefit.

"Here mummy, lets go!" Sophie plopped a big hat on both her own, and Roxans, head. "Daddy can you carry the water please" Sophie handed me the three bottles she had prepared by herself.

She raced to the door, then skipped to the fence and little back gate; which all needed a lick of paint I noticed as we neared. Rox tip-toe'd to reach the high latch, unlocked and pushed the gate wide open.

The surf crashed to the shore, the sand was a beautiful, pristine white, and stretched miles in either direction. Sophie tugged my arm to pull me towards Rox who was, by now, sat under the shade of one of the coastal trees that boarded the sand dunes and the open beach. 

Sophie grabbed her bucket and spade, starting to dig and create castles with me. I was overwhelmed with so much emotion. I teared up as I listened in awe to our angel Sophie as she laughed and pointed out different 'rooms' and people that would be found in the creation.

Roxan was watching. Not a word uttered, but she saw it all. Her lips twitched to a smile when Sophie jumped up on her lap for a cuddle and as she hugged her knees I knew she saw my face trying to convey all the words and feelings I should never have stopped giving her, or indeed, Sophie. I leaned over Sophie in Syd's dirrection to grab a big yellow bucket laying at her feet. Rox's thumb gently took a tear from my cheek, she studied it as it quivered on her fingertip.

"Never thought I would see you cry Lennon. Took enough bloody time."

I knew in those few words we would be ok perhaps not today or next week but hopefully someday soon we could be close again. For Sophie's sake, maybe for our sake too.