Roxan ~ In My Life with the Beatles

Live Life & Love

A week later.

"We have to take the breast Roxan, the cancer....it's spreading" Without pause the doctor continued on, steamrolling me into the ground "If we don't, you have six months tops"

Be a shapely woman and live with two boobs for six months or be a freak and live forever... Well for a little longer than six months anyway.

There really isn't a need to think.

Sophie needs me for longer than six months. Hell I need her for that wonderful thing called forever.

I need to see her into middle school, high school and prom.

And see her eyes twinkle with a love for a boy... See the wedding dress make her look like a princess, see her grow her own baby in her tummy, and of course help her through her life.

There really isnt a need to contemplate my answer.

"When can you operate"

"Good girl"

The surgeon moves from behind my doctor and my life as a freak begins.

"First thing in the morning Roxan" Doctor Campbell utters and begins the ritual of pre-surgery protocol.

I will soon come to realise he is a highly skilled surgeon but still an amatuer at chopping boobs off...

I am a guinea pig.

*********

The day arrives.

I'm wheeled into the theatre.

The doctor stands over me, nodding for the sedation to begin.

I see the strong overhead lights flicker, then flood fully in my eyes.

The sedation warms my blood. I feel it swirling.

I'm sleepy.

I'm -

Sunshine bathes my senses. A beautiful dream swirls within. I feel warm and cosy as I float downstream in that beautiful cocktail of drugs.

Not feeling, no realising time is being displaced, not seeing, not knowing, not contemplating- the future, the past.

My dream swirls on yet flickers like an old film.

I float in semi-consciousness.

I float as nurses tug and check dressings.

I float in loving warmth as Linda squeezes my fingers and Paul whispers lyrics in my ear.

It won't be long~ yeah~yeah~yeah...

I float between here and there.

High and low.

I float suspended in a sparkling positive light.

Then suddenly an explosion of my senses reawakening fully bursts forth; and sounds, reality and niggling pain pulls and tugs me back to the here and now.

I gasp as the tubes are expelled from my lungs...

Up my throat.

Out and past my dry lips.

I croak for water and am presented with a sliver of ice.

"Hi huny" Linda smiles down upon me, a halo of blonde. The lights behind her make her appear angelic, and she is.

I wouldn't have survived day to day life without her, Sophie would be motherless. Because, really, I hate to admit my failings, but on the bad days, on the sick as a dog days, on the sad days, Linda is mother.