Roxan ~ In My Life with the Beatles

57

"Sophie Breakfast!" John hollered through the house. I had woken to the sound of John and Sophie crashing and banging in the kitchen, although Sophie had fled into my room when the toast got burnt.

"There you are you little ragamuffin! I thought you were helping me!" John smiled at Sophie and spoke with a sprinkling of childish humour not wanting to scare her. He then paused and turned his eyes to mine. Checking with me if he could enter the room. Our eyes having a silent conversation 'can I come in'- 'yes'- 'ok well I'm laying across the bed then!'

"Off you go, grab your breaky. H.R. Pufnstuf is on the telly too" John scooted Soph out towards the kitchen then fell down on the end of the bed in a Lennony heap of arms and legs.

I snuggled down the bed again, kicking John in the process.

"Easy going Rox" He rolled over twice to be laying totally across my body pinning me to the bed, I was under the doona nice and comfortable and he lay arms and legs spreadeagled, a bubble of laughter erupting from me as he squirmed.

"Remember"

"Yes of course, you were annoying" I tried kicking him again.

"Ouch" Up on one arm now, he pulled the cover slightly down from off my head "...There she is"

"No"

"I just said..."

"You were going to butter me up like you always did Sunday mornings, all over again"

"They weren't half bad though, eh?" John winked, waggling his eyebrows and smiled broadly "Sorry it's too soon for this sort of innuendo, I know."

I drank in John's features. That nose, his eyebrows that could waggle in jest or arch high in question, his milk chocolate eyes. We watched each other as seconds turned into minutes til I finally broke the hypnotic trance I had fallen into, I glanced away to recover myself from his close proximity.

"I have stuff to do today. What are your plans?"

"Can I stay and play Ma? Please, pretty please" Up on his knees making the bed bounce, hands in the begging pose.

"For Sophie, yes. But I need to go out. You want to stay with her?"

"Trust me?"

"You're her father" I started brushing my hair with the brush I had on my night stand, mentally estimating the hours I would be out today. "I have a few things to sort at the office, I need to get double groceries and I have an appointment-"

"Double groceries?"

"Paul and Linda and all the kids will be here Friday. Did Sophie give you the invite for Thursday night?"

"Yep and I want to be here when Macca arrives, gotta see the expression on his face when he goes next door and I've restrung all his bloody guitars!" John laughed, jumped up off the bed and strolled out to get his breakfast.

I showered and chose a business outfit as I wasn't a jean's in the office person. The dress was a cream knee length straight style and I put a lightweight navy blue jacket over the top. Matching high heels and a quick light application of makeup. I went to the kitchen to grab a coffee- my liquid breakfast.

"Right. There are the phone numbers where I'll be and approximate times. Not too much tv young lady and don't tell John- daddy you're allowed the lolly jar! Kiss please" 

Sophie wrapped her arms around me and gave me a big wonderful kiss, John stood in line. Sophie smiled and nodded for him to have a kiss too, so not to disappoint I gave him a peck on the cheek, he did a little goofy dance making Sophie giggle and laugh madly, I rolled my eyes at him.  He was incorrigible.

"Bye!"

******************

Sophie went back to school Thursday she was excited for her big night. I was just plan terrified. Mrs Young had promised not to let the cat out of the bag but this was big. John big.

John Lennon would be turning up at an LA school it was sure to somehow make the papers.

"Penny for your thoughts" John interrupted me. I was stood over Sophie's unmade bed hugging Gerry Giraffe to my chest, just gazing off unseeing toward the wall. The bed wasn't getting made.

"Just wondering what to do for dinner tomorrow for Linda and the tribe"

"Liar"

"Am not"

"Are to"

"John!"

"Syd?" 

I almost launched at him but my question that tumbled about my brain bayed for an answer.

"Three years. Why now? Why bother now?" It had been annoying me since he told me. Why didn't he show six months after, not three year's later!?

"Don't get angry.... I.." John faltered "....well I was a fool and decided I should be a good father ...." I raised an eyebrow at that, questioning him "My brain seemed to block everything, everyone out but Sean. I put everything into him- I became his mother and father twenty-four seven. I blinded myself to everything and everyone, Sophie... you... and I am forever ashamed of my actions"

"Don't ever be ashamed for loving your child. You just can't show up here, stay one week and leave never to be seen again. It's cruel and I won't let you do that to her."

"I want to be in her life, and Sean..... I would like them to get to know each other... when the time is right"

"We. She, I mean, is not silly. If you stuff her around she will know it and I will come for you and draw blood" I felt like shaking the last bit into him but settled on staring him down instead.

His solemn nod of understanding was both placating and mildly amusing. John was never a half and half. Everything was always one hundred percent or nothing.

How would, or could, he manage being a dad to two kids living on opposite sides of the country.