Roxan ~ In My Life with the Beatles

44

O  NO  YOKO

John rushed out, some meeting with the gallery person from last night. Oh well, back on Beatle time again.

I climb the stairs to our room to dress and head down to the Saville Row office to see the accountant's about their issues with debtors and creditors.

But where my meeting with the accountants lasted two hours, his lasted five. Then a few days later another business lunch with this person. I didn't have a name yet but it just felt off.

"Another lunch meeting? That's three in a row. Just give them the money luv" I spoke as I poured John a cup of tea and take a seat opposite him, only to see him scull the scolding liquid down and stand to leave. I grimaced as he tugged his jacket on. Was I that bad to have breakfast with now?

That night I called Linda, she was back in London and around at Pauls.

"Hi hun, how are you?" Linda softly queried, her American accent cutting down the phone.

"Oh, you know work work work- hey is Paul home from the studio?"

"Yea. Yea he got in at 11pm. Why"

"OH nothing"

That's not nothing. I can hear you" Linda questions Paul, the telephone mouthpiece covered with her hand... Asking Johns whereabouts. She's intuitive I'll give her that. Paul mumbles but I can't make out his words. "Paul says he should be home soon"

He wasn't.

**********

Three days. 

Three Fucking days later. 

No call.  

No message. 

No notes and definitely NO apologies. 

I come home that Friday night to find John lying in an almost overflowing bath, a glazed look on his face. He doesn't even registered the door opening, or when I speak to him.

"Oh hi Winks" I will be nice. I will be nice I tell myself over and over. Tears have been shed over the last few days, scared he was in a gutter dying somewhere, my eyes betray me and start to well again. 

Nothing.

Not a word.

Ten minutes later, as I am changing in our walk in closet I hear him shuffle over from the bath to the bed.

No towel, soaking wet.

Water drips from him as he shuffles, then he flops face down onto the mattress, the pillow fully in his face. It must be smothering him.

"Come on hun, let's get you in a better position ok" I'm kneeling on the floor beside his head, stroking his hair out of his face. Johns hand shoots out from nowhere and grasps my wrist, his eyes darting about wildly, scaring me. "Ouch John that hurts!!" He focuses on me and finally 'sees' me.

"Roxan" he breathes my name out softly. 

The hand releases suddenly and goes to my chin, softer now. "My Rox. My Syd"

"Come on move over please Winks, let me lay down with you"

It's not time to ask questions. I don't know what's going on but he needs me to mother him, hold him close and put a gentle hand over his head and back, again and again, till he settles and sleeps...

What is happening to my Winks?