Roxan ~ In My Life with the Beatles

65

Teddy Bears and Raincoats

"Roxan. Follow me please" I don't know why she bothers with the 'follow me please' this is the same old same old. The nurse leads the way and I go through the rituals that plague me every time I go for these check-ups. It's been a few days since chemo so now's the time to check on the progress.

Weight.

Questions on bowel movements or lack thereof.

Try and pee in a tiny bottle- miss, drink another three glasses of water- attempt again.

Blood tests.

More questions on food and general day to day health, fatigue, mental health.

The bloods are rushed tested so the doctor knows the results.

Finally, when he walks in three long hours later I am actually spoken to, not prodded.

"Roxan" The blue medical folder laying on the table is gradually becoming a three inch pile high dossier of my life, full of all my near misses and chemo moments "Bloods are a bit of a concern. The white cells are very low, we need to do a course of antibiotic and no, I repeat no, sick people around you! If they are in the house, I want you out of it, here in a hospital bed. Am I clear!" I nod and roll my eyes and he frowns, he is used to the grumpy patients and I have turned into one of them. "Linda?"

"No, no illness. I'll be going away for a few days but I will pass on your notes to the assistant taking over." I snorted "I can come back if needed" Linda smiles at me and grabs my hand in hers 'this will be ok' squeezes through our fingers.

"I want to see you at Chemo next Monday- correct? Run those bloods again." The doctor shuts the file and stands waiting for me to follow suit, we leave and I feel weary, it's been a long day and now to go home to the new, snort, 'assistant' and the possible fact that Paul has organised a quick getaway and the bags will be sat waiting at the door. I'm doomed.

*

"I don't think I can do this without you" I'm standing at the door just about to go inside, whispering so no one inside hears my misgivings.

"It will be ok"

"Monday, I have to go back Monday, Linda!" I hissed quietly.

"I'll be back by then. You'll be ok, stop panicking Rox."

"How can I not. This is John you're leaving me with!"

"He's a grown man, he has seen everything of yours before,  so this won't be too much for his eyes and if it is well boo- bloody-hoo, too bad!"

"I don't want him seeing 'everything'. Shit Linda, get a nurse or something, please!"

"Why are you two huddled outside the door whispering angrily at each other?" John whispers through the screen and both Linda and I jump back in surprise.

"How much?" I question John and he knows exactly what I mean.

"Most of it, was heading for a smoke and you two sort of stopped my progression out the door"

"Though you didn't say anything did you..... a cough to alert those in deep conversation that you were right there!!"

"Well no, where's the fun in that Roxan. Though, I will say I am deeply hurt that you don't trust my abilities" John has his nose pushed on the flyscreen.

"Let us in Mister Eavesdropper, will you" Linda has had enough of the petty back and forth of my grumpily whispered words so flicks Johns nose through the flyscreen, it does the job and she is off to relative safety inside with Paul.