I've been thinking about Calum. A lot.
I think about him constantly. I am constantly replaying the good times. Like the day he walked into my store asked me for hair dye. The moment we held hands for the first time, the first day he kissed me. The moment I realized I could see myself with him for a long ass time.
Luke though...
He's amazing and I feel just as mentally in tune with him as I did with my mother. I miss him. I miss the way he talked to me, the way his arms could carry me miles without getting tired, the way his eyes soften when I would tuck a piece of his curly blonde hair behind his ears. I miss being with someone. I miss being with someone who loves me.
Since I have given up contact with Luke and Calum I have been focusing on my grades. Graduation is two weeks away and I nearly have all A's. Except in economics. It's been hard catching up in this class since my teacher doesn't except late work for full or even half credit and I'm really struggling.
I've given myself some time to clear myself of the bad and bring in the new. New year new me you could say lol. But seriously I'm just trying to give myself a fresh start but having Mr. Hood as my principal is challenging. I have steered clear of him for the most part but sometimes I find myself day dreaming about creating a scene so I could be sent to the principals office for "punishment".
Obviously I'm kidding but a girl can day dream all she wants. I have two weeks before I never have to see the assholes in that school ever again and I can't jeopardize that for some dick. Even though his is perfect and I still can't believe it's been six weeks since I've last had sex. Honestly it's a new record.
As much as I want to lay in bed all day I need to get up and find an outfit for graduation and then buy some new makeup.
Getting up I head to the mall and call up Micheal . I still hang out with him and we get donuts every Tuesday. I have him send some home to Calum and Luke once in awhile but I'm pretty sure Micheal eats them before he gets home most the time.
"Hey Micheal do you want to shop with me. I have to find a dress for graduation. Pleassseeee!"
"Ok I'll meet you at the donut shop!"
"Ok bye"
We have learned to keep our conversations short because we both hate being on the phone for too long.
Pulling into the parking lot I check my hair and makeup before getting out and head into the malls entrance. Last week I went and got my hair redone and now my hair is dark brown with blonde highlights and I keep it curled into beach waves most days or flat ironed and I've gotten really good at doing my makeup. I spent way too much the other day on too faced palettes and matte lipsticks. I bought brushes and creams, concealers and palettes. I bought primers and eyeshadows, lip liners and lashes. I've been doing full glam looks and I'm really liking it. Girls at school love it and I've been getting a lot of attention from guys since I've changed up my look. I even started wearing like crop tops and shit which I never wear but I'm a little more comfortable with myself now. I'm not so insecure. I don't think this has to do with Calum or Luke but I feel less insecure and I'm happy, I think I'm just maturing.
Walking into the doubt shop I see Matt flirting with an old lady as per usual and Micheal with bright red hair. He dyed it a couple days ago and I still hair dye on my French tip manicure. He loves it and when I dared him to dye his pubes he did it without question. 😂
Kissing Matts check I walk over to Micheal and sit across from him while he stares intently at his phone.
"What's up dude, are you ok?" Nodding he flips the screen to me and shows me the Pokémon go app.
"Oh god please stop playing that thing. You have literally never caught even at rattata. Let it go babe." He shrugs and puts his phone in his pocket.
"Yeah true so where do you want to go to find a dress ?" I haven't really thought about that.
"I'm not sure, let's start at forever21 and then from there maybe Macy's." We both gather our things and set off to find the perfect outfit in the shittiest mall in America. I swear I've been into every store at least six times and have never walked out with anything that I really fell in love with.
As soon as we walk into forever21 I see it. The dress I want. Well not a really a dress but a two piece set that would look great with my boobs. A white strapless crop top that wraps around my stomach with a sweat heart neckline and a pink high waisted floral skirt that if I bent over everyone would get a show. Micheal sees it and smirks knowing damn well I'm immediately going to try it on. I grab it and walk towards the dressing room but stop. My heart sinking.
He sees me and his smile disappears. He's next to a woman who's holding an expensive looking purse. She's wearing bright red lipstick and has had one too many plastic surgeries. He doesn't do anything, but he stares at me intently. Michaels hand is in mine within seconds and we're both taking a right towards the dressing room. I can't breath, my eyes are filled with tears and I my anxiety just shot up my ass.
"That was my dad" that's all I could muster through my panic attack. My lungs could only bear that much. My voice cracking. My mind could only see his fist flying towards me, his words cutting through me and his stare piercing my soul.
When he was drunk he used to sit me in front of the fireplace and turn it on high. He would push me as close to the fire as possible while I cried and would wait till it would get so hot that I would have to move and then he would grab me and beat. He didn't need a reason to beat me. It was whenever he felt like it or whenever he was mad.
Michaels hands find my face and the cool skin against my hot face was soothing. Pulling his hands to my face I bury myself in them and cry. Micheal breaths out kissing my forehead and soothing me with his quiet shsss.
Looking up after five or so minutes I can feel the blobs of mascara gathering in the corner of my eyes and the tear stains on my cheeks. Micheal smiles down at me a small smile and hugs me close to his chest.
"Do you wan to go home and order Chinese food?" Nodding I get up and gather myself fixing my makeup in the full length mirror.
Micheal leads me out of the store and to the car.
"Are you ok to drive?" I nod and turn over the engine. He trots over to his car and we both drove to my house were we order food and I finish my homework.
I really wanted that dress.
I guess not today.
I know this is super late but here's a new chapter. I need to update more and I'll possibly have another chapter up tonight.
