The Dance

Chapter 78 Hate

Lila felt like a doll in a china shop ever since she and Bam announced the impending arrival of twins. No one let her lift a finger to help with anything. Bam had practically ordered Rainy to be Lila's shadow helping her with the daily tasks of bush living. Not being able to contribute to the efforts to finish their home was frustrating to her. Bam was constantly doling out tasks to his brothers on the new build while trying to keep the shipping business going. Matt had been assigned the job of securing a sat phone in the event of an emergency with Lila. Bam and Noah worked continously on the cabin in between hauling jobs and Gabe and Bear kept the food storage in check.

The effects of the pregnancy on Lila were evident. In her second trimester, she had gained more weight, tired much more easily and felt horribly unattractive regardless of how much Bam reassured her she was beautiful. And she was beautiful. Her hair had lengthened and her skin had a glow about it. Ami had referred to it as her pregnancy glow. Lila didn't see the glow. Most of her clothes and especially her lingerie had become to small for her. She didn't feel sexy at all. It was hard to be a swan when you felt and waddled like a duck.

Bam had promised to take Lila to Hoonah to visit Kay. Lila definitely needed some shopping therapy. Lila patiently waited for the weekend and anxiously counted down the days. She missed some of the comforts of living in town. In the bush, she had become a much better planner, taking in account that she couldn't just run to the store to pick up essential items. Rain had showed her how to supplement certain makeup items in the bush while Bear had shown her how to make his extremely awesome all natural shampoo. Ami had perfected soap recipes from natural ingedients found in the bush. All in all, Lila learned a great many things from her exposure to eight months of living wild.

The night before their trip to Hoonah, Lila made a list of everything she needed. Bam sat behind her massaging her shoulders while she scribbled wildly in her little notebook. He felt the tension in her shoulders. Lila felt his warm breath on the back of her neck slowly trailing kisses down her back.

"Cut it out babe...I can't concentrate when you do that." Lila continued to write.

"That was exactly my intention Mrs. Brown." Bam slid his hands under her arms and feathered her breasts lightly. Lila always responded to his touch but today she was not feeling the love.

"Bam, really, not tonight!" Lila pulled away from his touch.

"Well, that's a first."

Lila whirled around to face him. "Look at me! Do I look attractive? I'm a disheveled mess. Nothing fits me anymore." Lila tugged at her shirt. "I'm huge. I waddle. I hate you for doing this to me." Lila waved her hands over her stomach.

Bam just sat there smiling at her. She obviously didn't realize how cute she looked. Her hair was a mess and her shirt was too small exposing her very pregnant belly and yes she had put on the usual pregnancy weight but what he saw was his beautiful wife and his future family.

"Quit smiling at me." Lila threw her notebook at him as he ducked for cover. "Bam Brown, I hate you." Lila burst into tears having no where to run as she reminded herself she was standing in her one room home for now and cried even harder.

Bam flew to her side holding her tightly and letting her cry out all her emotions. She had been a trooper but he felt that her hormones must have finally caught up with her. She was usually so composed but tonight he saw her in a most vulnerable state. She pounded her fists against his chest and he held her even tighter until he felt the negative energy drain from her body.

"All better?" He asked stroking her hair.

"I hate you." She whispered. He pulled her face up towards his and kissed her softly.

"Still hate me?" He asked.

She kissed him back. "Every day."

He kissed her again but longer. "Now?"

"More than ever." Bam pulled her to the bed and asked Lila to show him how much she hated him.