Anamnesis [Lacuna #2] {Completed}

Prologue

"Resferber (n.) The tangled feelings of fear and excitement before a journey begins"

June 1943

James Buchanan Barnes sat alone on a cot aboard a United States troopship bound for England.

He looked around at the men in the small room he was to share with them for the next few weeks. There were eight rows of bunks on each side of the metal room, some of them occupied, but most of the men were on the deck up above, smoking cigarets and playing cards getting to know one another. About five minutes of standing above in the sea air had been enough before Bucky decided to settle down in their assigned room. His fellow soldiers were excited about the journey to England. From the looks of them, some had already started seeing each other as brothers in arms about to go to war to defeat the devil himself. Bucky saw them as men who sold their souls or had them drafted to the 107th regiment of the U.S. army.

Bucky wanted to do his part and serve his country, but he wasn't ignorant to the realities of war. He had made a list for Steve Rogers, his terribly stubborn best friend, one time exactly why he shouldn't be so eager to join the fight. He knew a lot of these men would not be making the journey home. These beds would not look the same when or if he ever returned; he wouldn't be the same either. This was why he wanted to keep his distance for as long as possible.

He would be on this boat with these soldiers for weeks to come. Their hunger for the fight reminded Bucky of Steve. The thought alone made him already miss his best friend.

Don't do anything stupid until I get back. He had said to him.

How can I? You're taking all the stupid with you! Steve called after.

Punk. He pulled Steve into a hug.

Jerk. Steve slapped him on the back.

Bucky turned his back to walk away.

Hey don't win the war until I get there! Steve called.

Bucky stopped in his tracks. Steve was always so determined that sometimes it frustrated Bucky to no end, but in the end he admired it more than anything. Bucky spun crisply on his heals and saluted Steve before turning his back one final time.

That was the last Bucky had seen of his friend Steve Rogers.

"Uhh excuse me," A voice pulled Bucky from his thoughts. He glanced up to see a young man standing in front of him. "Are you part of the 107th?" He asked, "Someone told me this is where we were being stored." He let out a dry chuckle.

"I am, you've come to the right place." Bucky said looking back down at his book.

"Do you uh... Mind if I take the top bunk?" He asked referring to the bed above Bucky.

He looked at the man. He was around Bucky's age, maybe a year or two younger. He had tan skin with brown hair and dark eyes to match. The combination of thick hair and bright eyes made him look... so clean, like he didn't belong on a boat with men off to war. He couldn't imagine this guy throwing bombs and shooting someone in the head.

He could be dead in a month. Bucky thought to himself. The thought made him frown.

Normally Bucky would have initiated more conversation with these other men. Bucky knew he was famously charming back home, but this wasn't home anymore. He was headed for war and he wasn't sure how much he liked the idea of making friends that could die at any second. So, he simply shook his head without comment and kept his eyes on his book. The man hoisted his suitcase on the top bunk, causing the metal frame to shake slightly.

A few moments later, he heard the man's feet thunk back down to the floor as he started to put his things in the trunk they would share. Out of the corner of his eye, Bucky could see the man looking at him. "Dickens huh?" The man asked.

"Uh yeah," Bucky keep his eyes on his book.

"Are you a fan?" The man pressed.

Bucky nodded, slightly irritated.

"Me too."

Suddenly more annoyed than ever, Bucky looked up to tell this guy to leave him alone, but the irritation faded when the man smiled showing off one dimple on his right cheek as he held up the exact copy of the book Bucky was reading: Great Expectations by Charles Dickens.

"I mean, it's a little dry during some parts, took me a month to get through A Tale of Two Cities, but I think it's worth it in the end."

Bucky couldn't help himself, "Me too, the way he builds these elaborate tales and scenes is amazing to me, like painting."

"Nice to know I have a fellow book lover for a bunk mate. A lot of these guys," The man looked around the room, "I don't get the feeling they would appreciate literature beyond the nursery rhymes they were told as children."

Bucky let out a snort and laughed also looking around. "You're probably right. What chapter are you on?"

The man's smile grew wider and he opened the book eagerly. As the pages flipped open, his bookmark fell out and landed at Bucky's feet. Bucky picked it up and looked at it. It wasn't a bookmark exactly, but a picture.

Curiosity overtook Bucky, "That your girl?" He asked holding the picture up.

Another dimpled grin took over the man's now red face, "Most people don't believe me when I say yes."

Bucky examined the details of the picture. She was pretty, really pretty, and Bucky had seen a lot of pretty girls in his time. Her brown hair fell shoulder length and a soft smile played on her lips.

Bucky handed the picture back to him. "What's her name?"

"Ester," The man couldn't stop smiling. "You have a girl back home?"

Bucky's smile faded, "No." He had, had several girls back home, but none that really mattered, none that made him want to grin like this man was now; none that made him want a girl to come home to.

"Where you from?" Bucky asked setting his book aside.

The man sat down next to him and set his things aside. "Boston." He half grinned.

"Oh don't tell me you're a Sox fan."

"Afraid so," The man's grin grew wider.

"This may be a problem down the road," Bucky teased.

"If that's the biggest problem we face together, I think we'll be the luckiest boys to ever ride this cursed ship." The man countered looking down at the picture, "But if it means keeping her safe, it'll be worth it." The man looked back up his wide grin turning into a soft smile.

Bucky suddenly missed home and his sister and his best friend. He had only been away from them for a day, how was he suppose to survive the coming months? He looked up at his bunkmate. He wasn't Steve, no one could replace Steve, but... Maybe the war would be a little less unbareable if he had a friend to fight alongside with. Just one friend.

"My name is Bucky by the way, Bucky Barnes." He said holding out his hand for the man to shake.

The man took his hand and shook it, "I'm Matthew, Matthew McCall."

"Vulnerability is scary, but pure.

In it you can find bravery."

-Raquel Franco