Anamnesis [Lacuna #2] {Completed}

Chapter Twenty

"Eccedentesiast (n.) a person who hides pain behind a smile"

~Erin~

Erin didn't sleep that night.

It wasn't just her fight with Bucky that was making her restless. She felt a burden, the weight of everything that was happening. It was crushing her. Her heart felt heavy in a way she had never experienced before, like she was slowly suffocating.

She thought being back in this house, back to something familiar would calm her, but it hadn't. Memories of her and Jamie running around and her father teaching her to fish in the lake behind the house kept creeping into her mind. This was her mother's favorite place to come whenever she had a break from active duty.

The house felt different. There was a time she knew this house like that back of her hand. Now it was full of secrets.

Had her mother come here one last time before she walked into her doom? Did her father ever get to say goodbye to the house he first taught her to fish?

Suddenly, Erin couldn't stand her own room any longer. She threw off the covers and started walking down the hall.

She didn't even realize where her feet had taken her until she was outside his door. It was already open slightly, as if he had been expecting her. Gently, she pushed the door to Bucky's room open. It was dark, but in the moonlight Erin found Bucky's eyes wide open. They didn't say anything as she moved towards his bed and he scooted over to make room for her.

She laid down next to him, his body radiating a warmth she had become dependent on. They laid there in silence for a few moments listening to one another's chests rise and fall. In the darkness, Bucky's hand found hers.

"I'm sorry." Erin said quietly looking down at his chest. He was wearing an old shirt of Jamie's and it made something in her chest ache.

She looked up to find him studying her. Even in the darkness, his eyes looked like an ocean right before a storm. "Me too." He said. He bent his head down and kissed her softly. "I love you." He said quietly. "I don't tell you enough, but I do."

Erin's heart fluttered in her chest. But she couldn't shake the feeling that she was stumbling on a cliff and was on the edge of falling over. "I love you too." She said quietly. "More than you know."

She fell asleep to the feeling of Bucky's arms around her.

*****

~Bucky~

In the dream, Bucky was standing next to a man with light hair and grey eyes. Together, they watched young men and women training and sparing with one another, assessing their strengths and weaknesses.

Bucky knew the man. His name was Borya Volkov, the youngest First Chief Directorate in the KGB's history. He wasn't even twenty-five yet, but he graduated top of the Wolf Spider program and has killed more people than the Winter Soldier had. He was one of Russia's greatest weapons.

He had his eye on one of the younger girls. She couldn't have been more than 10 or 11 with fiery red hair and a personality just like it. She was quick on her feet and her mind was sharp for someone so young. She was sparing with three other boys a little older than her, all of them against her, and she had taken out every single one of them.

"Good Natalia." Volkov said to the girl. The young girl's green eyes didn't look pleased by the praise Volkov had to offer, but she nodded her head in thanks nonetheless.