When Day 32 Starts...

Chapter 13 - Understanding Kent

Ang hirap naman kasi ng sitwasyon ko. Laid out na lahat e. Wala naman syang itinatago. It just sucks na alam ko na kung ano ang mga choice ko at ako na rin ang bahalang mag-decide. Nasa akin ang bola. Hinihintay nya na lang kung ibabato ko pabalik.

He's not the marrying kind and I'm this silly hopeless romantic. How will we ever find a common ground if we both want different things? There's only one thing I am sure of. He loves me. But will that be enough? Sabi nga nila, hindi sapat ang pagmamahal para magtagal ang isang relasyon. Paano na lang kung mawala na 'yong kilig?

"Jazz! Pwede ba'ng kapag kasama mo ko'y hindi ka nag-i-space out?" mataray na tanong ni Gale.

Tumingin ako sa kanya at bumuntong-hininga. Maybe it's wrong to even go out with her today. Kapag tinitingnan ko sya, naaalala ko si Kent.

Nang sinabi ko kay Kent na gusto kong makipag-cool off, agad na nakarating kay Gale ang balita. And now she's here, giving me endless lectures.

"Ano na naman ba kasi ang ginawa ni kuya at nag-iinarte ka dyan?"

"Wala," mahina kong sagot. Kahit naman sabihin ko, she'll never understand. She won't take my side. Kuya nya 'yon e.

"Jazz, is this about the marriage thingy again?" She took my silence as yes. Rolling her eyes, she continued "Look, he's not ready to make that commitment yet so don't force him. Huwag mo syang bigyan ng deadline, mapi-pressure 'yon! Why can't you just enjoy your time together?"

"Enjoy? Hanggang kelan?"

She held my hand tightly. "You have him na, what more can you ask?"

"I want this to last forever, Gale. Can you guarantee that?"

"Jazz, wake up!" She snapped her fingers. "This is not a fairy tale. Walang forever! You just have to live and enjoy the moment while it last!"

"Masama ba'ng gustuhin kong magtagal kami?" I sighed. "Kasalanan mo 'to e. Sana hindi mo na lang ako pinakiusapan."

"E di stuck ka na lang kay Toby forever?" taas-kilay nyang tanong.

I shrugged. "Maybe it's supposed to be that way."

"Gaga! Huwag na huwag mong sasaktan ang kuya ko, ako ang makakalaban mo!" pagbabanta nya.

"Baka nga ako pa ang saktan ng kuya mo e," mahina kong sagot. That calmed her down.

Ipinatong nya ang kamay nya sa kamay ko. There's this look of concern in her face, mixed with something that looked like pity and worry.

"Jazz..." She squeezed my hand. "Huwag ka namang mag-give up agad sa kuya ko ha? He's just not the type of guy who sugarcoats his words even if they badly need sugarcoating. He does not make promises he can't keep. When he says you're pretty, you really are. If he says he loves you, he really does.

Kuya's not that hard to understand. You just have to take his words as they are. He's already into you, it won't take long before he realizes that he couldn't live without you anymore. If you managed to tug at his finger, it won't take long until you pull out his hand and then his arm will follow and soon, you'll have the rest of him. His feelings don't grow overnight. It will take time but he could learn to love and if he fell for you, he's yours for as long as you want him. Patience lang ang kailangan ni Kuya, Jazz. Can't you give him that?"

Waves and waves of guilt hit me in the face. I feel like I'm being selfish. I want him tied to me, to leave his inhibitions behind. I want him to spend his future with me. I became selfish without realizing it. He was trying to give me a good time. He wanted me to be happy. He already took the risk, taught himself to love, willed his heart to open up to me and all I did was complain that he couldn't commit.