When Day 32 Starts...

Chapter 32 - I Do

"Nay, kinakabagan yata ako," nakangiwi kong sabi sa nanay ko. Kanina pa ako hindi mapakali. Pabalik-balik ako sa banyo kaya galit na ang mga nag-aayos sa 'kin. Feeling ko kinakabagan ako na ewan. Hindi naman ako pasmado pero kanina pa pinapawis ang kamay ko kahit may aircon dito sa loob ng kwarto.

Ganito pala ka-nerve-wracking kapag ikakasal? Leche. Ayoko na! Ayoko nang umulit! But I know that if he ever asked me to marry him again, I would say yes. It's just that... hindi ko kaya ang pressure.

I was happy, giddy, anxious and terrified all at the same time. It's crazy!

"Hold still, Jazz! People here are trying to make you pretty for your big day! Huwag mong galitin ang makeup artist mo. Baka magsisi ka," banta ni Gale.

Napapirmi ako sa upuan. I was gripping its arms tightly. Kulang na lang ay magpatali ako sa upuan para lang hindi ako makatayo.

"Nerbyos lang yan, anak. Mawawala rin 'yan maya-maya."

I didn't believe in what my mother just said. Kung ito pa nga lang na inaayusan pa lang ako e hindi na ako mapakali, paano na lang kaya mamaya kapag maglalakad na 'ko sa aisle? Baka sa sobrang panlalambot ng tuhod ko e matalapid ako sa sarili kong paa!

I tried to sit still for another twenty minutes. And then they helped me up and eased me into the gown. Simple lang ang pagkakayari nito. Embroidered ang bodice tapos chiffon ang skirt. Regalo nina nanay at tatay ang gown ko. They insisted on paying it with their own money dahil wala raw naman silang naiambag halos sa kasal.

Sagot ni Kent at ng parents nya lahat.

Nang maisuot ko ang gown ay pinaharap nila ako sa isang full-body mirror. I tried to calm myself down. Naiiyak na ako.

Sobrang ganda nung babae sa salamin. Hindi ako makapaniwalang ako 'yon. Hindi ako maayos. Natuto lang akong mag-makeup nang nagtatrabaho na ako. I usually don't care if I don't look beautiful because no one's there to appreciate it.

Hindi ako nagpapaganda kay Toby dahil tanggap na niya kung anuman ang hitsura ko. And I didn't want him to think that I like him that way because I'm trying to look pretty for him.

But Kent's different. Nasasaktan ako kapag may napupuna syang hindi maganda sa 'kin. I want to hold his stare. I want him to look at me with wonder. And when I walk down that aisle, I want his eyes to be onto me. Only me.

I never cared to look beautiful before but for him, I want to look beautiful every day. Kaya siguro maganda rin 'yong may kaunting pagkailang. Dahil kapag sobrang kumportable ka na sa isang tao, nakakalimutan mo na yung effort para ayusin ang sarili mo. Kasi tanggap na tanggap ka na nila. But to keep the marriage alive, you have to sometimes put your best foot forward. To show the one you love that you can be the better version of what they're used to seeing.

"Jazz, gusto ka raw kausapin ni Toby," bulong sa 'kin ni Gale.

Tumango ako.

Kent and I agreed that Gale would be the maid of honor but for Toby to be the best man, I had to convince him first. Pero sa huli ay napapayag ko rin sya. Natakot yata na magba-back out ako kapag hindi nya ako pinagbigyan.

I feel like he was holding his breath. Lumabas muna sina nanay to give us some privacy. He looked so dashing in his suit at kung may ibang titingin, aakalain nilang bride and groom kami. Pero hindi 'yon ang scenario. Ako ang bride but he's not my groom. He's the best man.

"Toby, humihinga ka pa ba?" natatawa kong tanong.

That's when he exhaled. So hindi nga sya humihinga kanina. "S-Sorry. Ang ganda mo kasi."