The Finest Potato Stories

King Edward

There once was a potato. He was the king of the land. He ruled over the kingdom of potatoes. He forced other potatoed to bow to him. In other words, he was a terrible leader.

King edward liked to kill innocents beneath a full moon. The brightness of the moon and the guts just made him so gleeful.

Tonight was one of those nights. The moon was full and bright hanging like a humoungous silver dish in the sky. King edward rolled to the sacrificial zone, dressed in ceremonial robes and a shimmerig crown.

Edward rolled effortlessly across the ground. He had learned from a very young age to run like the wind; that way he could escape the vile monsters known as humans.

He rolled up like a boss, his sunglasses clashing with his robes. His servants were already waiting.

King edward went atop the stage and began his speech. "Kacpamcjaockhaocnhspcksnk." (Tonight we have to sacrifice one of you suckers so buckle up.)

The king sighed as complaints rose of the crowd. "Shut up." He said in plain english, which was unlikely for potatoes.

Edward grabbed a knife from a nearby weapon shelf and gestured to the crowd. "Who will it be?"

As the potatoes didn't know English, they didnt know what was happening. There was an outbreak of confused murmurs amongst them.

Edward saw his friend amog the crowd. A wild impulse grabbed at him. "Wjofnso." He ordered his friend to come be the sacrifice.

The friend frowned but obliged.

Edwards friend lay down on the sacrifice table and screamed in anticipation.

Edward picked up the knife and said "you despicable gross thing i never thought you were really my friend!"

His friend screamed.

Edward plunged the knife into his friends chest (did potatoes have chests?) To which his friend quickly died.

Nobody really liked Edward. This was mostly due to the fact that he was a murderer that killed even his friends.

Edward just needed help. He never got any. He eventually killed all the potatoes of potato kingdom.