The Finest Potato Stories

schoolboy potato

Schoolboy Potato is like a normal potato that goes to school. He is very smart. You might even call him the definition of a 'nerd.' He knew all about triangulation, the pythagorean theorem and other confusing terms a youngin wouldn't know.

This particular potato was named Arnold. He had buck teeth and blocky glasses that he couldn't wear because he had no ears. Arnold was never stressed to wake up in the morning, because he knew his ugliness was incurable and no amount of time would help him fix that. Basically, as soon as he woke up he was out the door.

Arnold was classified in the 'schoolpotato solanum tuberosm' because he was a potato who knew his smartness. He was a show off, always blurting answers in class before the teacher called on him. He usually got the answers right, which only fuelled his rudeness.

He sat at a desk with two other potatoes, who were not in the schoolpotato classification. For some reason they went to school anyway, always failing like most non schoolpotatoes do. Arnold was a jerk and made a lot of fun of his peers, but his teachers let him get away with it because they were uncaring creatures that were tired.

One day Arnold was in school when his teacher asked a very confusing questions meant for grade twelve. "What is two plus two?" The teacher asked. 

Arnold felt a burst of confusion burst within his chest but he blurted anyways. "Five!"

The teacher turned towards Arnold with a potato look and said. "You would be incorrect, Arnold. I know this is a grade twelve level question, but that doesn't matter. I expected better of you."

Arnold almost collapsed into a pit of doom as his peer, Harold said. "The answer is four, sir."

That couldn't be right! Four was a bad number. It was way past five, and it definitely couldn't be the answer of two plus two!

"Yes, Harold! GOod job." The teacher said with a spasm of shock.

Harold glanced knowingly around and said. "I know."

Arnold felt all his potato like feelings rise up in anger and he screeched. "FIVE!" He screamed. "ONLY FIVE IS CORRECT!" Then he barrelled off the desk to attack Harold.

Arnold collided painfully against Harold, but he didn't feel it. He took out a knife he had hidden in his backpack and stabbed it into Harold's ears. Harold screamed in terror. His screams rose louder and louder as if he could no longer hear his own voice (he couldn't.). 

"HAHAHAHAH!" Arnold cackled. "I have taken your earsight and now you shall never hear again! This is what you get for interfering with me! THE ANSWER IS FIVE!"

Harold rolled on the ground as Arnold stood up. All the while when this had happened, the teacher hadn't tried to stop Arnold. Honestly, the teacher didn't even care. He just wanted the day to be over so he could go home. 

For the rest of that school year Arnold reigned over that class with fear, the other potatoes never daring to answer correctly. Arnold was a very bad potato.