The White Rose Association

Breakdown [II]

It felt as if my chest was contracting, no air would come out or enter, I just couldn't breathe but that didn't stop the tears from streaming down my face, or the constant wave of fear that made my entire tremble, to shake as if my body was dying in coldness.

"Doll, please try to calm down and breath." Ryder told me as he started to worry.

I tried to calm down, to avoid what was already happening but it was useless, my breathing as well as my heartbeat was escalating.

Ryder pulled me to his lap and caressed my cheek.

"Please try to calm down Doll." Ryder whispered to me and I could feel how his body trembled to, if it was out of fear or pain I didn't know.

I made a fist with my hand on his shirt and tried to calm down again but I wasn't successful.

"What's wrong?" My dad asked as they all entered the living room.

"I don't know, she can't calm down and she can't breathe!" Ryder said worried as my body shook and the pain increased.

"She is having a breakdown, she is having a panic attack." Eva said with a small gasp, she knew that whenever I got them they were bad.

"A breakdown; why is Alice having a breakdown, what is causing it?" Mason asked as he looked at Ryder.

"Alice darling, please honey, just try to calm down." Eva said as she got near us.

I nodded slowly with a sob but it wouldn't work, I just couldn't.

"Alice, look at me." Eva said in a concerned tone.

I looked at her, between my tears I could see the concern that filled up her eyes.

"Close your eyes and count slowly, Alice nothing will hurt you or us if we're all together, you're going to be alright." Eva said as she grabbed my hands that were constantly shaking.

I hugged Eva and once I was in her arms I felt better.

"It's alright darling." Eva said against my hair as she hugged me back pulling me tight against her body.

"I, I can't." I sobbed softly to her.

"Just try to calm down Alice." Eva said as she caressed my back.

I pressed my face against her shoulder and was breathing again; I kept my eyes closed, I kept my eyes closed because I was afraid that if I opened them reality would hit me again and I just couldn't handle the weight of the world on my shoulders, not like this.

"Ryder, please take Alice to her bedroom. She needs to lie down and rest." Eva told him once my sobs started to die down and my body slowly relaxed.

I felt Ryder pick me up and carry me upstairs to my bedroom, as Ryder took me to my bedroom I would still give small sobs; I hated this, being so weak and vulnerable. I have always tried to be strong, unbreakable but my own emotions would betray me when I least expected.

Ryder placed me on my bed and covered me with a blanket.

"I'm sorry." Ryder said as he sat next to me.

I shook my head; there was no need to apologize.

"It's not your fault." I said slowly as I stared blankly at the sheets of the bed.

Ryder was quiet for a few seconds until with a sight he got up from the bed and looked at me.

"What can I do for you, Doll?" Ryder asked me, his brown eyes were filled up with so much pain and love it was nearly overwhelming.