𝙄 𝙙𝙤𝙣'𝙩 𝙬𝙖𝙣𝙣𝙖 𝙙𝙤 𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙨 𝙖𝙣𝙮𝙢𝙤𝙧𝙚

𝐍𝐨𝐭 𝐀𝐥𝐨𝐧𝐞

Upstairs in Jah's room I sit on his bed finishing up my little nuggets from Chick-fil-A.

Jahseh and I had talked for 2 hours & a half. Learning more about each other. I learned that a lot of people would title him as "weird", but "different" would be less harsh. There's nothing bad about being different. I'm different.

He knows a lot about me just through the little things I've told him. He listens, nobody ever listens to me.

He said I could stay with him for as long as I want. But I'm gonna get a job and find a place asap. I gather my trash and throw it into the trash can. I walk to his bathroom and washed my hands. I look at my reflection in the mirror I had destroyed earlier and noticed Jahseh was looking at me. I looked down and turned the water off. Drying my hands off on the red hand towel. I hear a nice, calm beat.

"Don't you fucking hate it when you hear my name? I feel the same and when you hear this so you gon' feel the pain, And all these niggas that you fuckin with to get away, But girl I know you think about it almost everyday. And I'll be honest I be jealous of these niggas, true. How you feelin with these niggas that you talk to? Captivated by your mind and your walk too, Can't replace you with these bitches that I talk to. They say "lust is love" we had trust, what's good? I should've held you close. Should've kept you warm. And when the rain is fallin', wonder who you call. Don't pray to god, you rather cry than call. Don't jump, pretend it don't hurt—"

he stopped but the music kept playing. He pulled his cap down to hide his eyes.

I honestly felt bad. That bitch, I think her name was Geneva, she fucked him over. I walked over and sat on the bed. "Hey." I say quietly. He didn't respond as if I never even spoke. "You're not alone....there's other people in this world who feels the same way we do–"

"I will never fall in love again....I don't know what I did wrong to deserve this shit, all I ever did was be treat her right." He says pissed, "Why would she humiliate me in front of everyone? I–" he stopped and finally looked at me. I saw the pain in his eyes.

"I just. I don't know....it's like I've been depressed most of my life. This feeling is horrible and never goes away...like nobody was there until I met her. She numbed the pain. But now she's gone and there is no one who can be there for me. My mama don't even wanna see me." he says, anger in his voice.

"We're walking through the same dark cave." I manage to say. I wanted to hug him but I'm afraid from how he'd react. I just met him.

"Together." He say. I nod my head. We're both going through something. Well hell, everyone is!

"I'm forever the elephant in the room. "

I don't say anything back. I pull the hair out of my face and sigh.

I was really tired and was in the need for rest. I lie on the bed facing the wall. About two minutes in all my problems start racing in my head. This shit hurts. My tears fell silently and raced down the right side of my face and immediately hide in the pillow after it hit.

What am I gonna do?