The Worst & Best Thing | Joe Sugg

Back to who he is

Triggering mention: Talks about suicide.

I'm sitting on my bed, laptop out, scrolling through twitter.

"Hey." I look up to see Joe walking in.

I give a confused look. "When did you-" i don't finish my sentence but he picks up on what i was going to say. "I know where you guys put the spare key. Plus, i knocked but I guess you didn't hear me." he says then coming and laying down next to me, his stomach facing the bad as he props himself on his forearms.

I shut my laptop, putting it on the side table next to my bed.

"So. I think we should talk." i blurt out.

"I agree," he says getting off the bed, walking a little forward with his back against me. I don't want to have to say it out loud but i also know he is probably ashamed of what happened.

I stand up as well and place a hand on his shoulder, while walking around to face him.

"Joe?" he sucks in his lips, closing his eyes letting out a sigh.

"Do you remember Jace?" he finally says

I furrow my eyebrows. "The one that moved away three years ago?"

"He didn't move away." his voice is in a low tone with a small crack at the end.

I look at him confused.

Jace was one of Joe's really close friends. They were neighbors but Jace didn't hang out with anyone except Joe. I'm not sure why.

I think Caspar tried being his friend but Jace told Joe that he didn't want his friendship.

I never knew why.

"He killed himself." Joe's tone is practically a whisper as he lets out those words. It shocks me actually. How did i not know this?

I look at Joe and he blinks a few times and i can tell he is trying not to let his eyes water. He swallows and then goes back to sit on the edge of my bed, i stand just facing him.

"Why didn't- ... How did I not know this?" i ask delicately.

"His family didn't want anyone knowing. Of course they told me because i was the only one close with him. The reason he didn't want to be friends with anyone else is because he had Schizophrenia. [ A disorder that effects someone's ability to think, feel and behave clearly. ] He thought that if anyone else knew, they wouldn't like him. But i did. I thought and saw him as someone completely normal."

He looks down at his hands.

"I guess the voices got to him.." he trails the last word off. I take in a deep breath and bite on my lower lip.

I go and sit down next to him, slipping my hand into his.

He still doesn't look up from his hands. "I'm sorry, Joe. I didn't know. But.. you can't be experimenting with those type of drugs. I know the pain hurts, i know you're upset, but that type of stuff only takes the pain away temporarily and then leaves a long term effect on you. Permanently. It isn't worth it." i try to comfort him with some advice.

He sniffles and i see his jaw clench.

"I was just upset."

"I know. And that's okay. It's always okay to be upset sometimes." He finally looks at me.

"Violet gave me it.." he looks at me trying to study how i would react.

"I know." i say in a soothing tone, with a soft smile. "How?" his eyebrows furrow.

"Doesn't matter right now. What matters is you. And how i can help to take your mind off of things." his lips curve into a smirk.

"I have an idea." i know exactly what he's hinting and i slightly shove his arm as a laugh escapes his lips. "I'm joking. I'm joking." he reassures me but i already knew that.

"Thank you for understanding. And being so kind after all i've done. Which i'm really sorry for, Em. I really am." his eyes lock with mine again and all i see is the same Joe i always knew. It wasn't a different person.

I accept his apology with my lips crashing onto his. His body is tense by my surprise but he eases into it, kissing me back.

My hand places just below his jawline, as my thumb caresses his cheek.

I pull away from the kiss, not moving my hand. with our faces just an inch apart. He smiles at me and i return it.

His hands place on my hips and his smile grows wider as he then pushes his hands into my hips making me lay on the bed as he hovers over me. I scoot up the bed more so we are properly on, and his lips find their way back to mine.