Almost Feels Like Always (COMPLETED)

(FIVE) A Glimpse Of Autumn

[Hudson Ventura:]
Wtf. So Fernand betrayed Edmond because he has a thing for Mercedes? But their cousins, amirite?

Natawa ako sa text ni Hudson. Mabilis na nag-type ako ng reply. It was a short 'yes'. It was only a matter of seconds when my phone beeped again.

[Hudson Ventura:]
Wow. That's incest. This Fernand guy is straight up savage. What an ass.

I giggled harder. This guy is so funny. It's crazy how he can make me laugh with his innocent antics. Tumunog ulit ang phone ko para sa panibagong message.

[Hudson Ventura:]
Therefore I conclude, Mercedes is hot as fuck. Her charm can ruin friendships. Damn. I bet she's a total babe.

Oh, my God! My stomach is crumpling because I was laughing uncontrollably. I was actually surprised that I managed to reply.

[Me:]
You can't write a reaction paper with remarks like that.

[Hudson Ventura:]
I'm just stating a fact. I can't blame Fernand tho.

Kumunot ang noo ko sa reply niya.

[Me:]
Why? Would you do the same if you were in his shoes? Willing kang gumawa ng mali para sa babaeng gusto mo?

Hindi na nag-reply si Hudson sa huling text ko. I'm dying to know his opinion pero hindi na rin ako nangulit. Sa tingin ko masyado na siyang na-hooked sa pagbabasa kaya hindi na siya nakasagot.

The next day, he continued sending me funny comments about The Count of Monte Cristo. Napapailing na lang ako kapag nababasa ko ang mga texts niya.

Napapitlag ako nang biglang may ulong lumitaw sa gilid ng mukha ko kasunod ang matunog na halik sa aking pisngi. Nakangiting nilingon ko si Reese na nakayakap na ngayon mula sa likod ko.

"I missed you..." He softly whispered against my ears.

Pabiro akong umirap, trying to be cute. "Parang hindi naman. You didn't even text me for two days." Ngumuso pa ako para mas dramatic.

Naramdaman ko ang paghigpit ng yakap niya sa baywang ko. "I'm sorry. Coach had been strict. Alam mo naman na doble effort kami tuwing season finals."

Yup, I know that. Sinusubukan ko lang naman kung magwo-work ang pagpapa-cute ko. Reese has been playing for our university's basketball team since his freshman year and he's a senior now. Ganoon katagal ko na siyang iniintindi kapag hindi niya ako mabigyan ng oras.

It's not like I understand him at all. Siguro nasanay na lang talaga ako na ganito kami.

He's been with me since I don't know how long. Walang ibang lalaking napalapit sa'kin maliban sa kanya. It was partly my fault because I let him be possessive of me. But it's because I love when he's doing it. I love the feeling I get everytime he tells other boys 'Autumn is mine'.

We don't really have a label but we know we're more than friends. It's like the same complicated status other people have. Ang pinagkaiba lang, vocal kami sa feelings namin. We know where we stand. Hindi kami nanghuhula because we know exactly what we are even without a label.

I know that he loves me and I love him. It's me who cannot commit to him. It's just.. It's a personal issue. It's a battle between my heart and my insecurities. I want us to happen but I can't compromise. I'm too scared. Scared because we're still young. We have a life ahead of us.

What if it didn't work out? What if we don't last? What if we ended up hurting each other? Where would that leave us? I can't imagine drifting away from him. He's too precious for me that I'm scared I might lose him. I don't wanna lose him. I don't want to love any other guy than him.