Almost Feels Like Always (COMPLETED)

(ELEVEN) Autumnal Equinox

This chapter is still dedicated to witchdream21! Thank you for appreciation! You inspired me!

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I PRESSED the cold compress against Reese's jaw. He flinched. Mas diniinan ko pa 'yun lalo. Naiinis na inagaw niya 'yun sa'kin at pinukol ako ng matalim na tingin.

"You're making it worse!" He spat. Marahas akong tumayo mula sa kinauupuan ko.

"You made it worse, Reese. What's wrong with you?! Bakit bigla ka na lang sumugod doon? Nakakahiya!"

"What's wrong with me? Nakakahiya?" He scowled. "Nabasa ko ang conversation niyo. Tang ina, Autumn! Is he the reason why you wanted space?"

I rolled my eyes. Ang lakas din ng loob ng lalaking 'to! After all the shit he had put me through, siya pa ang may ganang magalit? "This is our issue, Reese. Stop dragging names here."

"Cut the crap, Autumn. Sagutin mo na lang ang tanong ko!"

I took a deep breath. I closed my eyes to mentally control myself from exploding but I can't. I wanted to burst out. "You know what? I've had enough of your bullshit, Reese. You wanna go there? Fine. Let's go there." Nawalan ng kulay ang mukha niya sa nakitang galit sa mga mata ko. "First of all, who told you to snoop through my phone? You—"

"I wanted to find out if you have someone kaya gusto mo ng punyetang space and I was right!"

"Don't you fucking raise your voice on me, Reese. You don't know the things I went through to put up with you and your shit. Don't act like I was cheating on you because I didn't. We're not even together to begin with. Kaya nga wala kang narinig sa'kin no'ng naabutan kitang may ibang babae sa kama mo, 'di ba? Kasi hindi naman tayo." 

Fuck. I don't want to relive that scene. I want to forget it.

"And that's my fucking problem! We are not together. We're not together because you said we should wait. Tapos ganito? Pinaasa mo ako!"

"We are not together so you sleep around with other girls? Ganon? Stop acting like you're the victim here. Pareho tayong umasa. Umasa rin ako sa'yo, Reese. But I never dated any boys aside from you because umasa ako na tayo. Na magiging tayo rin. I want you to be my first and my last. Asang-asa ako. And now susumbatan mo ako just because I hang out with Hudson? Are you fucking kidding me?" 

I was raging mad. Hinihingal ako sa galit. This is just too much to take. "Gusto mong mag-sumbatan tayo dito? Because we both know mas marami akong maisusumbat sa'yo."

Kumilos siya para abutin ako pero mabilis ang pag-atras ko. "Autumn, please..."

Kailangan kong tatagan ang sarili ko. I can't give in to him again just like that. Kailangan ko siyang tiisin. If I'm going to forgive him and give him another chance, he needs to earn it. Kasalanan ko rin naman kung bakit siya naging sobrang kampante sa'ming dalawa. Hinayaan ko siyang magkaroon ng kontrol sa'kin. Hinayaan ko siyang gawin ang mga gusto niya dahil alam niyang mapapatawad ko rin siya. But I did all of it because I love him. I loved him and he only fucked me over.

I still love him though and I still wish we end up together but I can't do it anymore. Masyado na akong nasasaktan.

"You know the reason why we've come to this, Reese. You knew exactly. Ayoko na. The pain you're inflicting in my entire system is slowly killing me. I'm gonna lose myself if we continue this, Reese." Fuck it. I already lost myself and I was broken than I already am. "Ito lang naman ang hinihingi ko sa lahat ng ginawa mo, hindi mo pa kayang ibigay?"

"You're asking me to be out of your life, Autumn." He ran his fingers through his hair. He looked exasperated. "Kung hingin mo 'yun parang nanghihingi ka lang ng candy. You've been my world."