Almost Feels Like Always (COMPLETED)

(TWENTY EIGHT) Fall Back

I SAT for two goddamn hours on Hudson's bed, contemplating if I should leave now. I need to think about it thoroughly. Kinuha ko na ang lahat ng gamit ko sa kwarto niya. Kapag umalis ako ngayon, wala na akong babalikan. My mind is telling me to leave because of my damn pride but I can't. Something is telling me that if I leave now, I'd never see him again.

Mariin akong pumikit. I should really leave. Siya naman 'tong unang umalis. But then, is it really like that? Kailangan ba tapatan ko ang lahat ng ginagawa niya para lang masabi na hindi ako talunan? Relationship shouldn't be like that. Love shouldn't be like that.

If you love something, you should not give it up. You should chase it, fight for it. Fuck your pride. Fuck your ego. Fuck everyone. Those craps won't give you happiness. It will only cause you pain. Intact nga ang pride mo, sumaya ka ba?

But why did Hudson walk away then? Doesn't he love me enough to fight for me? Ganoon kadali sa kanyang itapon ang pinagsamahan namin? He's gonna let go of everything we had just like that and because of what? His insecurity? His pride? Mas importante ang mga 'yun sa kanya kaysa sa 'kin? Sa amin?

Kinagat ko ang ibabang labi para pigilan ang nagbabadyang iyak pero ang mga luha ko ay hindi ko na kayang pigilin pa. Kusang tumulo ang mga 'yun. My chest was suffering from simultaneous sharp sting. I feel like I was being stabbed. Kung kutsilyo ang mga 'yun ay kanina pa ako nakahandusay dito.

Maybe I should really go now? Babalik na lang ako kapag okay na siya. Bakit naman hindi ako babalik? Screw whatever I said earlier. Wala ng babalikan my ass. I would always come back to him. I would never let anyone ruin this beautiful thing we have. I would kill just to save this. Us.

Pinunasan ko ang basang pisngi. I took a deep breath and composed myself. I have to get it together. I'll leave him alone for now. Maybe he just needs time and space. Ganoon naman lahat, right? Kahit ako, ganoon ang hinihingi ko sa kanya kapag may tampuhan kami.

Tumayo na ako nang makumbinsi ang sariling dapat na muna akong umalis. Kinuha ko ang tote bag kung saan ko nilagay ang mga damit at iba pang personal na gamit ko. Nagsuot muna ako ng cardigan because I'm still wearing my pambahay tank top and shorts. Natigilan ako nang marinig ko ang pagpihit ng doorknob. Tinambol ng kaba ang dibdib ko.

Pigil ang hiningang nilingon ko ang pinto nang bumukas 'yun. Hudson was standing there, fear was still visible in his eyes. He seemed distressed. Saan ba siya nanggaling? Why does he looked like he's been in hell?

He was staring at me intently. Then his eyes darted to the bag on his bed. His eyes widened before shifting his gaze back to me.

"I-I'm sorry kung ngayon lang ako aalis. Inayos ko pa kasi ang mga gamit ko but I'm leaving now. Nag-"

Kinain ng malalaking hakbang niya ang distansiya namin. He grabbed my arm and pulled me. He enveloped me in his arms as soon as my body crashed on him.

"Don't leave me, please. Huwag kang umalis." He whispered. "I'm sorry... I'm so sorry. Please, huwag mo akong iwan."

The warmth in my heart had reached my eyes. Bigla akong nanlambot. Nanghihina ako sa yakap niya. Hinayaan kong makatakas ang mga luha mula sa aking mga mata kasabay ng pagpapakawala ko ng maliit na hikbi.

"God, baby... I'm sorry..."

His arms tightened around me. He showered my hair with soft kisses as he hushed me. I cried to my heart's content and he let me. Hindi ko alam kung ilang oras kaming ganon. Napagod ako sa kaiiyak at nakatulog. Nang magising ako ay hapon na.

Mukha niya ang una kong nakita nang magmulat ako ng mga mata. Nakadungaw siya sa'kin na may maliit at maingat na ngiti sa mga labi. I felt her warm palm on my face. His thumb was stroking my cheek while he was melting me with his stare.