His 'meant to be' (Kaisoo)

Chapter 32 : Determant

days after days .
everynight jongin would visit him sometimes he slept . sometimes he was awake but whenever he was awake he would only hug jongin not saying anything else than his name or that he isnt hungry
while jongin spoke to him .
he didnt cry anymore but he didnt answer either .

jongin was staying at suhos place since he didnt know if he would go crazy alone in one apartment .
besides that he was trying to get eren to listen to him aswell as kris .and with sehun always calling and standing on the door it wasnt realy helping his stress .

,, kyungsoo " jongin stroke over the back of his head as they layed together in bed .the small slender figure in the tallers arms as kyungsoo head was onto his chest to feel the warm and hear the calming heartbeat
,, i'm sorry i left you "

no answer was given as always wich frustrated jongin .he missed that boy and he wanted him back however he didnt fully have him back and that part of it is his fault pained him .he loked down onto the skinny Body siletnly checking for new cuts .he spottedh his forearm having around 3 new cuts but his stomach didnt have any new ones .appearently kyungsoos cutting Areas were stomach tighs and forearms .

,, kyungsoo .."he whisperd because kris still doesnt know that he was here ,,can you please talk to me "

no answer as always and jongin buried his face in the soft hair

,, i'm not hungry " his voice was almost too quiet for jongin to hear almost .. but jongin could hear and he closed his eyes he just wanted everything to be as it was .

,, i'm sorry .. i'm sorry this is all my fault-"

,, no "

jongins eyes opened surprised that he got a different answer than i'm not hungry or nothing .

,, what ?"

,, I'm sorry.. why cant I let you go " he muffled pulling jongin closer as he buried his face in the warm chest .

,, what do you mean ?"

,, you're not real " the dead chuckle of kyungsoo tore on his heart .

,, kyungsoo i am real "
the latter shaked his head

,, no its just a dream .. it always is.. until chanyeol comes " he felt the boy shiver in his arms .

,, kyungsoo i am real .. i am here i promise and i am not going to leave you again i dont think i would be able to take being away from you again "

,, you wouldnt return I ..I cant have you return "
he mutterd

,, why ?"

,, because I finally made him w-want to l-leave " he voice cracked.

Jongin was speechless thinking back to the time at the hospital when kyungsoo had argued with him before.
'' then dont push me to make you want to leave ! "

He was truly the worst. Even as a friend he should never have even considered leaving like that. But as his boyfriend the only one he talked to about this. To leave in a time where he was falling apart.
'' kyungsoo.. its.. it wasnt like that "

The boy continued to sobb into his chest making jongin grimace in pain when he held him closer.
'' I dont want to go on anymore "

'' dont say that"

'' I'm ruining everyone I care about.
It's not worth it. I cant go on I really cant please just make it stop i just need this to stop.

If you'd return you'd wish everything would just be as it used to be but its never gonna be the same so-"
,, kyungsoo stop " he stoped his talking cause he knew it would go worse