Battle Scars

chapter 21 - do you notice

Do you notice the petite girl who always sits in the back and hides from everyone else? How about how the queen of the school never eats at lunch, fearing that if she gains weight people will no longer notice her? Or when the hot football player holds hands with another guy and pretends he has a girlfriend? What about the nerdy guy who always gets pushed and shoved in the hallway and shows up late to every class with puffy, red eyes? Did you ever stop to think that maybe, behind all the fake smiles and laughs there's tears and pain? I do. I notice every single one of those people - mostly because I am one.

I see what most people never could. I can tell the difference between a fake and a real smile. I can easily figure out what people wish they could just disappear, which ones think their life sucks because they have one small problem, and the ones that truly love life. I can tell who loves their life simply because they're popular and gorgeous and which ones adore living because they're strong and they know how to be happy.

I notice more than just that though. I notice how the "coolest" girls are the ones that wear a size 0 yet they're not the nicest people. I know that the guys that get the most girls are the hot, athletic, players instead of the smart, sweet guys that know how to treat girls. I know that the bullied girl used to be happy until one person spread a rumor about her.

You see, I notice every one of these small things that the majority of people overlook everyday. Not only do I see all the hate and pain in the world, I feel it too. First my mother died and my dad was sent to prison. Me and my brother were thrown in a few foster homes that never really loved us. We were put in a great foster home that had one downside - Liam. After all that we were forced to live with an abusive foster dad and soon after me and Jude were separated and I was dumped in juvie. Afterwards I stayed at the Schratter house. When I got Jude back everything was fine again until Liam came back. He and Tyler nearly killed my best friend and kidnapped Jude. I guess you can say that my life isn't exactly easy.

For years I felt unloved, unwanted, worthless, useless, and pointless - a lot like the people you probably walk right past everyday and don't even know they're there. I spent years of my life self-harming and thinking of suicide. I was the one who wore baggy hoodies even in 90° weather. The girl that never smiled. I now have that one reason to smile. My one ray of sun on cloudy days. Brandon Foster.

No, he's not the only person I love, Jude is definitely one of the most important people in my life and I know that loving Brandon only hurts Jude. How could I not fall for Brandon though? Ever since he met me he's been there for me. He shows me he cares about me when no one else seemed to. He taught me that I have a purpose. He loved me when I hated myself. 

I just wish Brandon could be my happily ever after. We can't be together, it's not allowed. I want both Jude and Brandon with me at all times but if I choose Brandon, I can't have Jude and if I choose Jude I can't have Brandon. I can't ever have what I want.... I don't even care anymore. The foster system can't take away the one reason I'm still alive.

I lay in my bed and stare at the diamond bracelet Brandon bought me and trace my thumb over the infinity sign. It's finally Friday. Yesterday Brandon told me that we're going somewhere  "special" tomorrow but I don't know where that is. Anywhere with Brandon is special to me though. My phone beeps, distracting me from my thoughts.

                                 Hey, Cal, I'm on my way home from
                                 Aiden's house. I'll be home soon and
                                I have something for you :)
                                                           -B

I smile down at my bright phone screen as I read the words. He has something for me? Like what? Steph and Lena let him use their car so he wouldn't have to walk two miles to his friend, Aiden's, house. Only two miles and he's driving, shouldn't take him long to get home.

*****1/2 hour later*****

I'm getting really worried. Brandon's still not back yet and he sent me that text a half hour ago. Where is he? What if something happened? I'd text him but if he's on his way home, he can't text back. Right as I'm worrying, Steph walks in and looks from me to Mariana with a scared look on her face, like she's going to cry.

"It's Brandon," she says and my heart drops, "he was in a car accident."

We rush to the hospital for the second time in a month and go to the front desk. Steph asks a lady at the desk where Brandon's room is. She informs us that Brandon's room number is 49 but he's not stable. While waiting in the waiting room, a cop comes in and says that something was found in the place of the accident. The cop holds up a silver necklace chain with the same diamond infinity sign and hope on it as my bracelet. My throat swells and a grab at my wrist for the bracelet as my vision blurs with tears.