The next day after school Mariana stays downstairs to do her homework like always so she can copy off of Jesus. Instead of doing the stack of homework I have, I turn the volume all the way up on my phone and listen to music. I have don't thousands of songs on my phone like a lot of people do but the few songs I do have are the ones that can comfort me on my worst days.
I turn on anything that can get my mind off of what happened yesterday. First I sing along to Fall Out Boy's Alone Together followed by Best Day of my Life by American Authors. Songs like those just get me in a good mood and make me dance when I can't seem to smile.
Most people these days listen to meaningless songs about drugs, sex, and partying on the weekends. My favorite songs are the ones I can connect to and the ones that spill my feelings out for me. The songs that inspire me and tell me reasons not to give up are the songs that I can listen to on repeat all day and not get tired of them. They're the songs that kept me alive the past couple years.
Through my phone Britt Nicole sings The Lost Get Found and I sing along with her. Britt Nicole has always been my inspiration. Everyone of her songs tell you not to give up. No, I've never met her In person but her songs speak to me more than anyone's words ever have.
I can't help but smile when I hear the music play for All This Time - again by Britt Nicole. It describes mine and Brandon's relationship all in just a few short minutes. He's walked with me all this time; since the first tear I cried.
"All this time from the first tear cried, till today's sunrise and every single moment between. You were there, you were always there, it was you and I. You been walking with me all this time. You've been walking with me all this time. Ever since that day it's been clear to me that whatever comes you will never leave. I know you're for me, I know you're story. Every heartbreak and failure, every broken dream, you're the God who sees, the God who rescued me. This is my story, this is my story. All this time from the first tear cried to today's sunrise and every single moment between. You were there, you were always there, it was you and I. You've been walking with me all this time."
It feels good to listen to this song and not wonder who I would think of when I heard it later. When I heard this for the first time I had very little hope. Now with Brandon, I have plans for my life, I have goals to reach, I have something to live for. I refuse to let the foster system tear my hope away from me. Is that so bad?
Britt Nicole taught me to believe in myself, to have hope, to follow my dreams, and to love. I didn't have dreams to follow until I met Brandon. I didn't have hope until I met Brandon. I didn't even know who I was until I met Brandon. Most of all, I didn't know what love was until I met Brandon.
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Author's Note:
Yeah not my best. It's one of those days where all I want is to listen to my music and lay in bed all day so I can ignore the world. At least there's no school today. Anyway, sorry it's not that great and its short but I don't have much motivation today. I've seriously been listening to Britt Nicole songs all day and she really is the only person that keeps me moving sometimes. Any of you guys Britt Nicole fans?? Again, sorry this chapters not to great but it will get better I promise:)
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