Battle Scars

chapter 41 - crash

I can't ever seem to be happy. There was a good 2 weeks of happiness until everything was messed up again. Everything is a blur. I can't think straight and tears fill my chocolate brown eyes. All I can make out through my tears are colors. The colors of the cars speeding past mine. The grey, rainy sky. The green light I just drove past and the shinny black car that slammed into my car.

I hear glass shattering and the honking of other cars. I see nothing but darkness. I remember nothing but a car heading right at me. I hear nothing but sirens. I feel nothing but pain.

Until I'm surrounded by brightness. I'm taken away from my pain, pulled from darkness, and I left behind the screaming sirens. I feel better.

Then I see more than lights. I see everything. My father with a beer bottle in his hand. My mother's tears and I hear her screams. I see 7 year old Jude in the corner crying, covering his ears.

I re-meet all our foster parents, the ones that got stuck with us, beat us, threw us away, and never cared. I see Liam, his blue eyes and evil smile. I feel the bitter cold wind striking my 14 year old self the night Liam broke me beyond compare. For a moment I'm that 14 year old again, crying, shaking, and cursing myself in the backyard for actually believing he loved me.

I feel the sharp pleasure of tearing my skin apart and watching the red liquid spill from my wrists, thighs, and hips. I re-live the moment I was torn away from Jude and thrown into juvie. I get beat up all over again by Daphne the day I was let out of prison.

I remember being dumped into the Schratter's house and the first day at Anchor Beach. I feel the joy Brandon gave me when he saw my cuts and still chose to look me in the eyes and tell me I'm beautiful. Again, I feel the warmth of hugging my little brother for the first time since I was arrested for a crime I didn't commit.

I'm brought back to the day I saw the girl with the purple hair that I now call my best friend. I feel the emotional pain I felt the time in the bathroom that I saw Katelyn's cuts for the first time. I repeat the time me and Katelyn sat in the sand on the beach telling our sad life stories instead of sitting in class.

I re-live the first time Brandon took me to what we now call Our Place. I see Brandon's bright eyes and amazing smile. I feel the happiness I felt when I fell in love with Brandon all over again.

I feel the sharp pain in my chest the day I found out Brandon had cancer. I remember thinking that I wouldn't let him die from a sickness when he saved me from myself and a bottle of pills. I feel the fear I felt when Katelyn was hospitalized for attempting suicide.

I jump into Brandon's arms again when he beat his cancer. I present my poem in front of my English class again. I see all the smiles, all the tears, hear all the laughs and sobs of everyone I love all over again. I see, hear, and feel everything. All in just a few seconds, I'm ripped open and sewn back together again.

Suddenly my memories are torn away from me. There's another bright flash before I open my eyes. I feel dizzy and my head pounds. I see doctors and nurses rush around the hospital room I'm in. I'm disappointed when I see the jagged green line on the monitor telling us all that I'm in fact not dead. Yes, that disappoints me. I can't exactly remember why, but I wanted to die. I hoped and prayed for death. You see, I'm done with pain. I can't stand it any longer. And living only increases the amount of pain I'll feel.

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Author's Note:

Wow guys, sorry for not updating in so long! So, obviously Callie was in a car crash. Obviously something pretty bad happened before the crash, and I'm gonna be mean and make you guys wait to know what happened! I'll try to update soon, I know I've been slacking on it. But I'm planning on starting another fanfic. I'll still continue this one, but I want to do another one as well. It might be The Fosters, it might be a band fanfic (Pierce The Veil, Black Veil Brides, Sleeping With Sirens, etc...). If you guys have any suggestions, I'd like to hear them:) or if you don't think I should do another, I don't know, but leave suggestions please! I'd love and appreciate it!