Battle Scars

chapter 43 - memories

*before the accident*

I woke up that morning surprised to see that I had 6 missed calls from an old friend, Wyatt. I wondered for a while why he thought to call so many times so late at night. I knew something was wrong, considering we haven't talked in 4-5 months.

So I called back. About 5 times before I gave up and decided, well, I'll just go see him? I mean, why not right? Catching up with him seemed nice at the time.

It didn't take long for me to get ready. I quickly showered and dried my hair. I threw on the first shirt I saw, which happened to be an Of Mice & Men tee, and dark blue shorts before putting my hair in a messy bun. I was only going to see Wyatt. I didn't really care how I looked.

I grabbed the car keys off the stand by the door after asking Lena's permission. I knew she'd say yes, but I mean, it is her car, of course I asked before I took it.

I drove for 10 minutes before arriving at his house, listening to my favorite CD. Bring Me The Horizon's newest album, Sempiternal. One of my favorite songs by them, Sleepwalking, was blarring when I pulled into his driveway.

I turned my music down to the point where, I could hardly hear it, but it was still there and it keep me out of silence. I sat in the car for a while. I had no idea what to do. I mean, Wyatt is a great guy, really nice and funny. But I was scared that going to his house uninvited was weird. Especially since we haven't talked in so long.

I sat with my head in my hands. I thought of the worst way this could turn out. I do that a lot. I over think everything. Ugh. I hate it!

Eventually I gained the strength to turn the car off, un-do the seat belt, open the car door, and actually get out. Good job, Callie, good job.

When I got to his door, my hands were shaking as I knocked. I don't know why I was so nervous. It was only Wyatt! I mean, since all that happened with Liam and... All that, I've been diagnosed with social anxiety, but this is Wyatt. He's my friend.

I got the nerve to knock though. He came to the door a couple minutes after. I saw him and I couldn't even fake a smile. His hair was a mess, he was in pajamas at 12:00, his eyes we bloodshot, and his face all puffy with tears.

"Callie?"

"Oh, my God, Wyatt. What's wrong?"

He gestured for me to come in and I did. I sat on his couch, he followed and sat next to me. For a couple minutes, I sat there looking at him and he stayed silent.

"Well," he started, "my mom's dead, my dad hasn't talked to me since her death, I have no friends, no job, no money, my life's gone, and I'm barley alive anymore."

It all came out so fast, I was so shocked. I didn't even know what to say, "I'm your friend, so-"

"Are you?" he cut me off, "Where were you when my mother died? Or when I was up crying at 4 a.m.? Where were you when I needed a friend? When I swallowed all those pills? You weren't here, that's for sure! Did you even know? No, no one did, because I woke up hours later on the bathroom floor."

"Wyatt,"

"No, Callie, don't start. You have a family. A boyfriend. A best friend. A house, and an education. You have no idea how much I'm hurting! Your life is perfect! Yeah, your childhood sucked, but you got it all now! And you left me! You said you'd always be there, and you left."

We were both in tears by then, "My life's perfect, huh? Yeah real great! It's just perfect how my boyfriend almost died of cancer and my best friend attempted suicide! It's amazing that I can't sleep at night because I'm scared she'll do it again! It's great that every time I see a guy  with blonde hair and blue eyes I think of Liam and what he did. It's all just so great and happy and perfect! And I didn't leave you! Why do you think I'm here right now? I can't believe you'd say any of that!"

"Oh, whatever, Callie! Just get out."

"Wyatt, please," I started but he didn't let me finish.

"Get out! You weren't there then, you aren't here for me now. I'm sick of being lied to," I didn't go though.

"Wyatt," I tried again.

"Go! Just go! Can't you tell that I don't want you here? You're doing nothing but making this worse! Go, I'm done fighting with you. I'm done with you. I'm depressed as it is. I don't need this."

I really can't explain how much those words hurt me. I always tried so hard. I wanted nothing but to make everyone else happy. It felt like he literally shot me. I couldn't even stand the pain. He was my first friend outside of the Fosters family.

I ran out to the car, and sat with my head in my hands. I tired to start the car, but my hands were so shaky, I couldn't get the key in the ignition. I started rummaging around in the glove department, not really look for anything specific, but I just needed something.

I accidentally cut my finger on something sharp that was in the glove department. I guess... That was my trigger. I wasn't thinking clearly. I sat in the car bleeding for what felt like forever until I started the car and pulled out of the driveway.

My hands were still shaking. My head was spinning and it hurt. I couldn't see past my tears. My arms were bleeding everywhere, at the time I didn't care. I wasn't focused on the road, I was concentrated instead on the emotional and physical pain I was feeling.

Then came the car. And now I'm laying in a hospital bed. Great job, Callie. You mess everything up.

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Author's Note:

So I'm not sure how I feel about this one... Comment your thoughts? Sorry, it took a while, I wasn't sure how I wanted this to go. Another thing, I'm thinking of starting another story. I already started it, I just didn't post it yet. Would you guys read it? Does anyone even read my notes...? Just wondering...