Forbidden (a Nathan Sykes fanfiction)

Chapt. 26

From: ♡Nathan♡

Hey baby, I miss you! Sorry I didn't text back yesterday, I was busy helping my sister with a little problem she was having and forgot to text back. I hope you are doing well and I can't wait to see you. Can't wait to kiss your lips again! ;) xxx

I stare at the screen, my heart fluttering and aching, all at once. I feel relieved that he gave me an explanation as to why he didn't text back but at the same time; I feel saddened at the last few words. It makes me guilty because there will be no again. A few tears escape my eyes and I wipe them away. Even though it's a school day, I don't plan on going. What's the use and what's holding me back? Nothing. My parents are gone, Mum didn't even come home last night- not even bothering to send a text. She's still not home, with being caught up with the new clothing line. Dad is coming back in a few days, supposedly, he needed to find a understudy for the main character- which he forgot to do, so he needs to find one. I'm also going to take advantage to comply with Justin's request. I will do as told, to stay in my brother's life. I choke back on a sob. I couldn't sleep last night, everything played back and it haunted me. I couldn't close my eyes for more than a few seconds without a flashback of Justin crying taking over my thoughts or Maiken's words, playing back. I prayed last night, that Maiken wouldn't say anything to anybody else about Nathan and I. The thought of what could happen, shakes me up. Nathan would be sent to trial, for rape. Even though it wasn't rape, it was making love- the authorities call it rape if it is a minor with an adult. I'm a minor, I'm just sixteen, Nathan is twenty-two, he's an adult. We both were intimate and he could pay a terrible price for it. It's stupid, why is loving someone illegal? Why does it have to be a forbidden relationship? Something people look down on? Why should two people be afraid of being seen together? It's not fair. It's not fair that I can't be happy with Nathan, just because he's my teacher and he's slightly older than me. It's not fair that we can't have a normal relationship where we can hold hands everywhere and kiss whenever we want and not be afraid to be see together. It's not fair that I can't be happy. It's not fair. I love him. It's a simple concept to understand. I get that I'm sixteen and apparently- "don't know what love is" but I do! I've never felt it before with anybody else but I know it's love. It's this feeling I get when I'm around him, I feel all light and invincible. The feeling when he touches me, shivers running down my spine and igniting a spark that I didn't even know could be ignited by a person. The feeling of kissing him, the warmth it spreads all around my body, the tingles and butterflies in my stomach. The simple gesture of holding hands that sends my heart into a frenzy. The simple gesture when I'm in his arms, like nothing can harm me, all the problems I have are gone, it's just me and him. When he glances at me and smiles, how I melt under his stare. How he can break my heart with just one word or one stare- or just by ignoring me. I feel so vulnerable when I'm around him that I'm afraid. I trust him so much that I'm afraid. I depend on him that I'm afraid. I'm so afraid of everything. I now realise that there is so much to fear about. The fact that I've never depended on a person like I do now, with Nathan, scares me half to death. Either way, he's going to leave me and I will be left heartbroken and alone. I haven't trusted someone completely in such a long time that I'm afraid he's going to break it and leave. I've never been so vulnerable like this in so long. I'm weak. I can't do this without Nathan. But somehow, I have to learn to.

I hear Justin slam the front door, signalling he's already left to school. He hasn't spoken to me since last night. I don't know if it's because he's still angry at me or he lost his voice from screaming. Justin is not one to get angry like that to the point where he screams. I hate to be the cause of this. I wipe my tears and get up. I walk to my bathroom and immediately turn on the warm water. I hope a nice, hot shower will wash away my pain. I remove my clothes and step inside. I watch as the drops of water pelt down onto my skin and slide down. Somehow, this soothes me. I focus on the droplets that I forget my problems. An hour later, I step out and wrap my body around in a towel. I ignore the need to see myself on the mirror so I go straight to my closet and look for clothes. I grab whatever is loose and comfortable and put it on. I chuckle dryly at what I wear. A plaid shirt and green sweatpants? I don't think so. I change into something carefully put out. A teal jumper and grey yoga pants that I never use for yoga or anything athletic related. I slip on some socks and walk out of my closet and conquer the monster on the mirror. I wince and look closely. My skin is pale- like deadly-pale-hey-call-the-ambulance-type of pale. I scrunch my nose in disgust when I notice my light brown freckles scattered on my nose and cheeks. My eyes are puffy and match the colour of my jumper, and the tip of my nose is red. I back away from the mirror and go downstairs to the kitchen. I'm starving and all I want to do is eat until I hit oblivion.